Opening night in Vegas felt like a scene out of Cocktails. We sat in a dive bar in the casino watching some dueling piano players belting out everything from Billy Joel to Aerosmith before a highly intoxicated and adoring crowd. You saw real talent pounding away at the keys and in that packed house off the strip at 3am. And in their resignation to sing such classics as Salt N’Pepa and Def Leppard you could feel that years of lessons and practice had resulted to this pinnacle, this moment, belting out retreads and begging for tips from vacationers unable to let the music end. This is what Vegas is, both expectations and disappointment, both promise and failure. It is a loud and crazy party and a buzz that lingers but won’t last. It is time standing still and people holding on when reality bucks you from the heights of Bellagio and the Wynn to the “f*ckin Harrah’s casino."
Nothing is cheap in Vegas. Those recession specials you may be looking for…forget it. If anything you are paying more for your indulgences than less. When you ask the cab drivers for good recommendations and price, just multiply it by two. You forget you are paying their recommendation kickbacks as well. They will all recommend the same place (Rio) too and a price that sounds affordable ($25). By the time you get all the way out to the isolated fortress of a casino and walk up to the register you get blind-sided by truth ($50). What? Too hungry to fight it and too far to turn back you take the hit and expect to make it back up at the tables (-$250).
That’s the other thing; the black jack tables are abusive. The $5 black jack tables don’t exist in reality and O’Sheas doesn’t count. That place along with Excalibur and the “f*ckin Harrah’s” casino makes you feel less Vegas like the Venetian and more Vegas like the venereal..as in the diseases of people frequenting! You are more likely to find $15 dollar tables than $10 anywhere and consistently while losing money on a $15 black jack table I’d watch them hike the antes up to $25 for new players. Vegas is most definitely not in a recession.
The bars are cool and we enjoyed the ice bar in the Mandalay and the Chandelier bar in the Cosmopolitan but $10 single jack and cokes leave you wanting. The pursuit of a buzz makes you want to shell out for doubles or sit at black jack tables too long waiting for your drink. And you can taste the quality difference from a free drink at the penny machines to the free drink at the $15 black jack table. One is a single and one is some sort of bottle backwash handed around from fellow gamblers. And sadly the backwash probably has a better chance of getting you hammered.
The last night we checked out The Mystere at Treasure Island. The show was amazing and I’m in awe of the acrobats. They possess real talent and it seemed fitting to book end the pianos to the performers in the show. When I walked out of Mystere I had fully absorbed Vegas minus the mushrooms. I was walking on a cloud of lights and sounds. The night was mine, the last night, and I was prepared to go out with a bang…then my wallet was raped and pillaged by Pirates. The dealers in Treasure Island decided that I was carrying too much bounty in my pockets and decided to wash my good high with it. When we walked out of the casino a couple of hours after the show had ended I was ready to jump into the pirate performance going on outside and walk the plank.
The trip was great and a needed escape/birthday and one realizes how fast time can fly. I turned 21 in Vegas and had the Midas touch. Everything I touched turned to gold and I couldn’t lose. Fourteen years, two lifetimes, and twenty new casinos later I have an aluminum touch, as in collecting them to keep eating and surviving after Vegas. Sitting in a restaurant in the South Coast casino off the strip with my good friends Sam and Jess and my girlfriend I realized the important things in life are not always what we can spend or buy but what we have to lose, and I had another $100 so I stumbled to the atm and pulled up to one more black jack table. Ah Vegas, you heartless vixen how I love you.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Gold dust in the wind
In my third grade class we had to sing Whitney Houston’s “Greatest Love of All” song for the cities Almond Blossom Festival. I remember that song to this day unfortunately. This was one of her first songs before she became the biggest female singer on the planet and made movies with Kevin Costner. This was Whitney with hair so high it was used as flight radar for Maverick and Goose. So it is sad to see that Whitney has passed and with her another 1980’s icon. Did I mention in third grade I also wore full Michael Jackson gear, the red leather zipper jacket, the silver sparkling glove and the black zipper pants? I did. I was the most popular third-grader at Dixieland school, denying those third-grade females crushes with a moonwalk away.
Now there is a revival of interest in the career hits of Whitney as there was with Michael Jackson’s in 2009. The best career moves for a singer past their time apparently is an early death and I’m sure there are struggling 80’s and 90’s artists wondering how they can fake death, relocate under an alias, and live off ITunes residuals on a tropical island somewhere. The best career rebound is now a permanent grounding.
It’s hard to get rich quick these days. On the Discovery Channel we see people willing to dive into the bottom of an arctic ocean with a vacuum cleaner to pick up gold specks of dust. The Bering Sea Gold shows men and women who have decided that building their own rickety ship (which apparently lasts without a breakdown for only a few hours a day) and diving into freezing water is their path to prosperity. Unfortunately it seems all the contestants on this game show are already mired in hundreds of thousands of child support debt or medical bills. Their path to prosperity is surviving debtor’s prison. This is always an inspiring message. It’s no longer instant wealth and lottery winnings, it’s breaking even. Forget gold teeth how about just purchasing some dentures or visiting a dentist! Staying with the Kevin Costner theme and adding some Patrick Swayze this show is part Waterworld and part Road House. I am not sure if these men have fins but I know that they are at the end of the world/ Nome, Alaska. But at least it is not Greece!
Who would have thought the Greek Islands have become less desirable than the arctic frigid waters of Alaska, but in Alaska you can still dive for prosperity. In Greece you have to pay to go to work. A new austerity measure (which apparently is the counter-opposite of prosperity) requires several thousand government employees to pay back their earned income and work for free until they get their budget under control. It must be just a blast to go to work for free! At least the ruffians in Alaska are on a ship out in the water with the possibility of wealth..and death. In Greece you are only promised death and taxes. But unless you were a 1980’s pop music icon there will no ITune gold dust residuals to fill your vacuum cleaner..just rocks, dirt, and cat hair..lot’s and lot’s of cat hair.
Now there is a revival of interest in the career hits of Whitney as there was with Michael Jackson’s in 2009. The best career moves for a singer past their time apparently is an early death and I’m sure there are struggling 80’s and 90’s artists wondering how they can fake death, relocate under an alias, and live off ITunes residuals on a tropical island somewhere. The best career rebound is now a permanent grounding.
It’s hard to get rich quick these days. On the Discovery Channel we see people willing to dive into the bottom of an arctic ocean with a vacuum cleaner to pick up gold specks of dust. The Bering Sea Gold shows men and women who have decided that building their own rickety ship (which apparently lasts without a breakdown for only a few hours a day) and diving into freezing water is their path to prosperity. Unfortunately it seems all the contestants on this game show are already mired in hundreds of thousands of child support debt or medical bills. Their path to prosperity is surviving debtor’s prison. This is always an inspiring message. It’s no longer instant wealth and lottery winnings, it’s breaking even. Forget gold teeth how about just purchasing some dentures or visiting a dentist! Staying with the Kevin Costner theme and adding some Patrick Swayze this show is part Waterworld and part Road House. I am not sure if these men have fins but I know that they are at the end of the world/ Nome, Alaska. But at least it is not Greece!
Who would have thought the Greek Islands have become less desirable than the arctic frigid waters of Alaska, but in Alaska you can still dive for prosperity. In Greece you have to pay to go to work. A new austerity measure (which apparently is the counter-opposite of prosperity) requires several thousand government employees to pay back their earned income and work for free until they get their budget under control. It must be just a blast to go to work for free! At least the ruffians in Alaska are on a ship out in the water with the possibility of wealth..and death. In Greece you are only promised death and taxes. But unless you were a 1980’s pop music icon there will no ITune gold dust residuals to fill your vacuum cleaner..just rocks, dirt, and cat hair..lot’s and lot’s of cat hair.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Fire and Ice
On New Year's Day the elements reigned. One man ran through a mountain of snow. Another man lit a city on fire. Both caught the media and our attentions for the wrong reasons. Two men separated by just over 1000 miles and with back stories that loomed larger than fireworks or next-day hangovers for many celebration revelers.
Outside of Seattle the remnants of a New Years celebration were marred by gunfire. There a 24 year old former Iraqi war veteran unleashed gunfire before heading off to Mount Rainer that bitter morning to hide out. He was locked and loaded. His car filled with ammunition and body armor. His head wrecked from combat. The war had left him damaged goods mentally, or perhaps had allowed a mentally damaged man to learn the power of semi-automatic weapons. He bore them in photos shirtless like an action figure. Only no one buys action figures of murderers and when he gunned down a female park ranger and mother of two he became that. His service to the country became a detriment and military training a liability instead of a virtue. Men chased him through chest-deep snow two hours behind him and unsure of what other damage he had in mind. There were hikers and people left on the mountain and a desperate man willing to kill anything in his way to get away.
Meanwhile down the I-5 corridor in a different eco-system in Los Angeles warm weather was a petri- dish for an alarming number of arson fires, over 50 of them. Cars and buildings burned. People laid awake at night unable to fall into a sleep as their eyes focused for any glow and their smell for smoke. The rash of fires took place over three days causing $3 million in damages and countless nightmares for those they affected, yet thankfully no lives. There were no clues nor suspects. It made a city famous for riots unsure what message they were receiving. Was this a multiple act by many? Or a deranged act by one? It turned out to be the latter, a 28 year old German nationalist, in a dispute over immigration. His message was he hated America and wanted to watch it burn.
Hours after the German was captured the American soldier was found face dead in snow. Both men, under 30, who reaked terror on New Years day were finished a day after. A day of fresh starts and new beginnings for many was left with unanswered questions and heartache for others, leaving charred buildings and scarred lives as their hangover.
Outside of Seattle the remnants of a New Years celebration were marred by gunfire. There a 24 year old former Iraqi war veteran unleashed gunfire before heading off to Mount Rainer that bitter morning to hide out. He was locked and loaded. His car filled with ammunition and body armor. His head wrecked from combat. The war had left him damaged goods mentally, or perhaps had allowed a mentally damaged man to learn the power of semi-automatic weapons. He bore them in photos shirtless like an action figure. Only no one buys action figures of murderers and when he gunned down a female park ranger and mother of two he became that. His service to the country became a detriment and military training a liability instead of a virtue. Men chased him through chest-deep snow two hours behind him and unsure of what other damage he had in mind. There were hikers and people left on the mountain and a desperate man willing to kill anything in his way to get away.
Meanwhile down the I-5 corridor in a different eco-system in Los Angeles warm weather was a petri- dish for an alarming number of arson fires, over 50 of them. Cars and buildings burned. People laid awake at night unable to fall into a sleep as their eyes focused for any glow and their smell for smoke. The rash of fires took place over three days causing $3 million in damages and countless nightmares for those they affected, yet thankfully no lives. There were no clues nor suspects. It made a city famous for riots unsure what message they were receiving. Was this a multiple act by many? Or a deranged act by one? It turned out to be the latter, a 28 year old German nationalist, in a dispute over immigration. His message was he hated America and wanted to watch it burn.
Hours after the German was captured the American soldier was found face dead in snow. Both men, under 30, who reaked terror on New Years day were finished a day after. A day of fresh starts and new beginnings for many was left with unanswered questions and heartache for others, leaving charred buildings and scarred lives as their hangover.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
And the vault door swings open...
What if it were empty? What if your dollar bill was worthless? What if we are exchanging monopoly money under the guise of real currency? What if we found out we were no longer a superpower country? That we were merely another tourist destination like Greece, desperate for foreign investment and holiday travelers? What if instead of a wrapped present the box was empty, and that we would be lucky to have coal in our stockings to burn for heat?
When Geraldo Rivera swung open the vault on national television in 1986 to broadcast Al Capone's secret hidden vault he was left holding a broken bottle of moonshine as his prize. Could Fort Knox's vault filled with the US gold supply seized by the US government be just as empty? Is that the reason we have no audit on the contents of this vault since 1974? This was the premise of the show Decoded I watched last night and I have to wonder if our whole economy is one big ponzi scheme generating value in our currency in the world markets that our government knows is non-existent.
Meanwhile earlier this year over $20B in diamonds, gold, and other treasures were discovered in a 16th century Hindu temple in southern India. Nice to know southern Hindu temples are better at protecting their assets than our government. Most recently here in the US a man purchased an abandoned storage unit for $1,100 and inside it was discovered to have of $600,000 of gold and silver coins. This was the great find that now may be not because the man who abandoned the unit is in jail awaiting federal charges of identity theft and the government may seize the loot based on the possible illegal means the former owner took to maintain it. Tough luck for the guy who thought he won a jackpot. More than likely it will be seized and never heard from again. If it is claimed eventually through legal channels the fees the guy will have to pay for a lawyer to seize it back will clean him out. If it is not the government secretly spending your tax dollars and gold reserves it is the lawyers we hire to defend ourselves of these ventures that do so boldly in our faces.
The lack of accountability and truth forthcoming from our government makes the days of pirates on open seas seem not only ideal but actually virtuous. They may have more honestly and ethics as they rob a ship's treasure face to face then the way our assets are robbed from us in the dark of night. This is why when we watch movies nowadays the bad guys are the guys chasing the supposed criminals. We've given up hope on the truth being fed to us we automatically assume the crimes don't fit the punishment and are even justified to begin with.
If they do open that vault at Fort Knox and we find it is empty what do we do? Will it be the wild west all over again? Do we start making decisions based on need rather than want or desire? It's a dark question four days before Christmas I know and maybe a time to start reflecting on more than the shiny present under the tree...unless it is gold bullion, but let's be realistic...we don't live in India..or China.
When Geraldo Rivera swung open the vault on national television in 1986 to broadcast Al Capone's secret hidden vault he was left holding a broken bottle of moonshine as his prize. Could Fort Knox's vault filled with the US gold supply seized by the US government be just as empty? Is that the reason we have no audit on the contents of this vault since 1974? This was the premise of the show Decoded I watched last night and I have to wonder if our whole economy is one big ponzi scheme generating value in our currency in the world markets that our government knows is non-existent.
Meanwhile earlier this year over $20B in diamonds, gold, and other treasures were discovered in a 16th century Hindu temple in southern India. Nice to know southern Hindu temples are better at protecting their assets than our government. Most recently here in the US a man purchased an abandoned storage unit for $1,100 and inside it was discovered to have of $600,000 of gold and silver coins. This was the great find that now may be not because the man who abandoned the unit is in jail awaiting federal charges of identity theft and the government may seize the loot based on the possible illegal means the former owner took to maintain it. Tough luck for the guy who thought he won a jackpot. More than likely it will be seized and never heard from again. If it is claimed eventually through legal channels the fees the guy will have to pay for a lawyer to seize it back will clean him out. If it is not the government secretly spending your tax dollars and gold reserves it is the lawyers we hire to defend ourselves of these ventures that do so boldly in our faces.
The lack of accountability and truth forthcoming from our government makes the days of pirates on open seas seem not only ideal but actually virtuous. They may have more honestly and ethics as they rob a ship's treasure face to face then the way our assets are robbed from us in the dark of night. This is why when we watch movies nowadays the bad guys are the guys chasing the supposed criminals. We've given up hope on the truth being fed to us we automatically assume the crimes don't fit the punishment and are even justified to begin with.
If they do open that vault at Fort Knox and we find it is empty what do we do? Will it be the wild west all over again? Do we start making decisions based on need rather than want or desire? It's a dark question four days before Christmas I know and maybe a time to start reflecting on more than the shiny present under the tree...unless it is gold bullion, but let's be realistic...we don't live in India..or China.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
A-D-D-I-C-T...30 pts!
At least I haven't caused airplanes to fail from takeoff. My Words with Friends addiction has only impeded my work production. Unlike Alec Baldwin I would have shut off my game when the flight attendant informed me it was time to turn off my electronics...well if I didn't have a J or a Z maybe. Otherwise maybe I see Alec's point here, or points rather, like 50 of them and who needs to get anywhere on time really? We all need a few extra minutes delayed to get in a word or two between friends. Of course some of the words I have been playing have been more words than I have had with these friends in years, so maybe more "Words with Strangers" feels more appropriate. Of course then you are tiptoeing into some dicey situations. Oooh, good word, tiptoe, dicey, take personal memo...
No one took me up on my initial investment opportunity to that distant planet..heck even I forgot the name of it. I think once I discovered it wasn't a word I could score points on I lost interest: K-E-P-L-E-R..is not a valid word. Well that planet sucks! I understand the lack of interest now. So let's get back to reality. It's political season and my interest level is applied to my word play. N-E-W-T...word! Score!! M-I-T-T...score!! O-B-A-M-A...not a valid word...hmm...do I smell a regime change? As the wise Confucius once said.."If the words spell it, so it be true." Or maybe that was Y-O-D-A.
People the Christmas season is upon us. I don't know how merry everyone is but people are sure crabby. The cold weather doesn't help, the light wallets everyone's carrying, and the added general discord in the media and economic outlook can make the holiday music a little more grating to the ears than usual. Funny, I remember the songs being a little more cheerful but when they are blaring through our expensive Iphones or flatscreens they lose some of the lightness. Rudolph wasn't just a red-nosed reindeer he is a red-eyed debt collector coming with his cohorts with hooves and horns to take your stuff..and he's speaking another language too...what?? Frosty the snowman can also be another name for the bitter, un-festive, mean people that also seem to spring forth during the holidays. Um, sorry your life is rough and you aren't happy but try not to sprinkle your holiday misery my way, ok? Thanks! I've got some words for you..P-R-O-Z-A-C...R-U-M..or L-E-A-V-E!
I think the highlight for my cold holiday season is all the plans I put in my head about somewhere warm. I definitely am ready for a beach somewhere. I wish my present was some bright sunshine, warm sand, and a Mai Tai. Can we box that one up? At least I have the ability to visualize these things so I am not carrying around sadness all day like some people. Just because you are doing a transaction somewhere and someone ask how you are doing does not mean they want you to spill your troubles all over them. Head shrinks charge by the hour and bartenders get tips..I don't know where my compensation is for hearing people's life stories. The problem with reality is that without an inventive imagination it is not very enjoyable. Yet part of anything we enjoy takes creative thinking and visualization of something better. We either absorb the positive and the possible or we stand in the bread line and moan like we are all doomed to life in Siberia Russia. There Frosty is some comrade who beats you and Rudolph's red-nose is a hot poker used to torture information out of you. It could always be worse!
Anyways I've finished my blog for the day and have some words playing to get back to. C-I-A-O..not a valid word? WHAT?! SCREW THIS!!!
No one took me up on my initial investment opportunity to that distant planet..heck even I forgot the name of it. I think once I discovered it wasn't a word I could score points on I lost interest: K-E-P-L-E-R..is not a valid word. Well that planet sucks! I understand the lack of interest now. So let's get back to reality. It's political season and my interest level is applied to my word play. N-E-W-T...word! Score!! M-I-T-T...score!! O-B-A-M-A...not a valid word...hmm...do I smell a regime change? As the wise Confucius once said.."If the words spell it, so it be true." Or maybe that was Y-O-D-A.
People the Christmas season is upon us. I don't know how merry everyone is but people are sure crabby. The cold weather doesn't help, the light wallets everyone's carrying, and the added general discord in the media and economic outlook can make the holiday music a little more grating to the ears than usual. Funny, I remember the songs being a little more cheerful but when they are blaring through our expensive Iphones or flatscreens they lose some of the lightness. Rudolph wasn't just a red-nosed reindeer he is a red-eyed debt collector coming with his cohorts with hooves and horns to take your stuff..and he's speaking another language too...what?? Frosty the snowman can also be another name for the bitter, un-festive, mean people that also seem to spring forth during the holidays. Um, sorry your life is rough and you aren't happy but try not to sprinkle your holiday misery my way, ok? Thanks! I've got some words for you..P-R-O-Z-A-C...R-U-M..or L-E-A-V-E!
I think the highlight for my cold holiday season is all the plans I put in my head about somewhere warm. I definitely am ready for a beach somewhere. I wish my present was some bright sunshine, warm sand, and a Mai Tai. Can we box that one up? At least I have the ability to visualize these things so I am not carrying around sadness all day like some people. Just because you are doing a transaction somewhere and someone ask how you are doing does not mean they want you to spill your troubles all over them. Head shrinks charge by the hour and bartenders get tips..I don't know where my compensation is for hearing people's life stories. The problem with reality is that without an inventive imagination it is not very enjoyable. Yet part of anything we enjoy takes creative thinking and visualization of something better. We either absorb the positive and the possible or we stand in the bread line and moan like we are all doomed to life in Siberia Russia. There Frosty is some comrade who beats you and Rudolph's red-nose is a hot poker used to torture information out of you. It could always be worse!
Anyways I've finished my blog for the day and have some words playing to get back to. C-I-A-O..not a valid word? WHAT?! SCREW THIS!!!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Investment Opportunity
I’m looking for investments into my new company. I am planning a trip to Kepler-22. You know, that planet 600 light-years away they say is like Earth. If you invest in it today then there is a good chance you can own a piece of this new planet too. I mean, it is 72 degrees and always sunny. The days move a little faster too so we won’t be stuck in the office as much. I am putting together pamphlets and a prospectus for your initial investments. Are you excited? In 2500 years we may actually reap the benefits of this new world. That is really setting up your great-great-great-great-great-great-great (to the twelfth power) grandchildren for success! Talk about the gift that keeps on giving for the holiday season. This one gives forever. It’s like buying coffee for the car behind you at Starbucks. Just please don’t be the scrooge that stops the giving train. With the way our dollar is spending might as well start your investment for the next millennium.
Right now we are being told the US dollar is worthless anyways. Everyone should be investing in Kardashian’s. That is the new currency according to Google. Every news article I find on there is Kardashian related. E news has somehow supplanted the New York Times as far as Google news is concerned. Our economy may be on the verge of collapse but that Kourtney is having another baby. Thanks for filling me in, I’m going to purchase some of that right away! The stock..not the baby. Of course the way our society has become in the realm of talentless individuals getting an unfair advantage on the playing field of life due to their last name lets go ahead and start investing in the babies of the wealthy today. Instead of writing my first screenplay for Justin Timberlake or Mila Kunis’s movie career I’ll just start one for their baby that they’ll eventually have. We’ll just fill in the name blank later.
There are unrealistic expectations from everyone. Companies want you to produce more with fewer resources and they offer less to you to do so. This is while you are being surveyed by customers for your experience level. Everyone is surveying experience level. If I go to McDonalds I know I am getting terrible service and I am lucky to get what I originally ordered and am hopeful it was not intentionally spit on by anyone in particular. That we now should expect excellent service from McDonalds is ridiculous. They pay their employees $5 an hour. They are not going to offer great service for $5 an hour! Just because the economy has collapsed and you can no longer afford a fancy steakhouse you have to realize that you get what you pay for! You want good service, pay for good service. It isn’t free. The problem with society is that we’ve adapted to this behavior where we expect something for nothing. If you don’t pay for service don’t be offended when you get none. The lack of economy and jobs notwithstanding does not mean your service level should improve either.
Of course my company provides excellent service, you just will get no return on your money this or next millennium. Your great-great…grandchildren (to the twelfth power) however, they will be enjoying some nice sunshine on their beach home on Kepler-22. That is of course unless a Kardashian invests in it first, then they are just screwed.
Right now we are being told the US dollar is worthless anyways. Everyone should be investing in Kardashian’s. That is the new currency according to Google. Every news article I find on there is Kardashian related. E news has somehow supplanted the New York Times as far as Google news is concerned. Our economy may be on the verge of collapse but that Kourtney is having another baby. Thanks for filling me in, I’m going to purchase some of that right away! The stock..not the baby. Of course the way our society has become in the realm of talentless individuals getting an unfair advantage on the playing field of life due to their last name lets go ahead and start investing in the babies of the wealthy today. Instead of writing my first screenplay for Justin Timberlake or Mila Kunis’s movie career I’ll just start one for their baby that they’ll eventually have. We’ll just fill in the name blank later.
There are unrealistic expectations from everyone. Companies want you to produce more with fewer resources and they offer less to you to do so. This is while you are being surveyed by customers for your experience level. Everyone is surveying experience level. If I go to McDonalds I know I am getting terrible service and I am lucky to get what I originally ordered and am hopeful it was not intentionally spit on by anyone in particular. That we now should expect excellent service from McDonalds is ridiculous. They pay their employees $5 an hour. They are not going to offer great service for $5 an hour! Just because the economy has collapsed and you can no longer afford a fancy steakhouse you have to realize that you get what you pay for! You want good service, pay for good service. It isn’t free. The problem with society is that we’ve adapted to this behavior where we expect something for nothing. If you don’t pay for service don’t be offended when you get none. The lack of economy and jobs notwithstanding does not mean your service level should improve either.
Of course my company provides excellent service, you just will get no return on your money this or next millennium. Your great-great…grandchildren (to the twelfth power) however, they will be enjoying some nice sunshine on their beach home on Kepler-22. That is of course unless a Kardashian invests in it first, then they are just screwed.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
It ain't Knute Rockne
I am giving up my addiction. I only picked it up this fall. It was given to me by a co-worker. He told me it would be fun to try and he was heavily into it. A few of my friends were doing it, he said. It would consume whole days of my fall and winter. I would secretly check in on my addiction while at work and would relish when others who had this same addiction struggled. I envisioned myself continuing this lifestyle for years even if I knew it was destructive. It made me care about things I didn’t really care about and wasted hours on end for things that were meaningless to me, but they satisfied my urges and fulfilled the gaping void that my life has supposedly been without this addiction.
Of course I am talking about fantasy football. The aggravating, alienating, and mind-numbing game I was forced to play this fall by co-workers and friends alike. It has held my Sunday’s hostage for the last 12 weeks. I would wake up worrying that my players would not suit up and hit the field, not because I cared whether their team won or lost, but because I needed their points. I even found myself rooting against my favorite team if a star player on my fantasy team was up against them and I needed some “pointage.” My last straw of the absurdity of this stupid game is having a 40 point lead in the fourth quarter last night and watching my opponents reserve players collect 50 points against me in garbage time. My quarterback was so lights out and efficient it actually cost me the game because he stopped scoring.
There is no mercy rule in fantasy football. It seems the flaw in fantasy is when your players are too good that they still cost you wins. You can’t even win for making the right picks. This may be a fun past-time and a way to keep Sundays interesting but I am finally free of caring about the Titans vs. the Rams, or the Browns vs. the Jaguars, because my opponent may have a third-string tight end who catches a touchdown pass in the final seconds and gives my opponent a win. You can read the projections and scout the match ups and actually even watch the horrible games as if somehow your eyes and attention will somehow will your player to maximum point potential, but at the end of the day this is merely the fantasy football team “owner” turning the actual player into some sort of stock projection and we all know my feeling about stocks.
We’ve turned what was a fun game into a bad investment. My projections were faulty. I lost and lost and lost again even when I was projected to annihilate my opponents. And worse than the CEO’s who fire employees I was the owner who released players because that one week they didn’t produce. I’ve proven once again our culture’s obsession with numbers and instant gratification by playing this distracting time-consuming game within a game, that requires nothing of me but to sit on my fat ass and watch the game.
Or I could just be upset my team lost.
Of course I am talking about fantasy football. The aggravating, alienating, and mind-numbing game I was forced to play this fall by co-workers and friends alike. It has held my Sunday’s hostage for the last 12 weeks. I would wake up worrying that my players would not suit up and hit the field, not because I cared whether their team won or lost, but because I needed their points. I even found myself rooting against my favorite team if a star player on my fantasy team was up against them and I needed some “pointage.” My last straw of the absurdity of this stupid game is having a 40 point lead in the fourth quarter last night and watching my opponents reserve players collect 50 points against me in garbage time. My quarterback was so lights out and efficient it actually cost me the game because he stopped scoring.
There is no mercy rule in fantasy football. It seems the flaw in fantasy is when your players are too good that they still cost you wins. You can’t even win for making the right picks. This may be a fun past-time and a way to keep Sundays interesting but I am finally free of caring about the Titans vs. the Rams, or the Browns vs. the Jaguars, because my opponent may have a third-string tight end who catches a touchdown pass in the final seconds and gives my opponent a win. You can read the projections and scout the match ups and actually even watch the horrible games as if somehow your eyes and attention will somehow will your player to maximum point potential, but at the end of the day this is merely the fantasy football team “owner” turning the actual player into some sort of stock projection and we all know my feeling about stocks.
We’ve turned what was a fun game into a bad investment. My projections were faulty. I lost and lost and lost again even when I was projected to annihilate my opponents. And worse than the CEO’s who fire employees I was the owner who released players because that one week they didn’t produce. I’ve proven once again our culture’s obsession with numbers and instant gratification by playing this distracting time-consuming game within a game, that requires nothing of me but to sit on my fat ass and watch the game.
Or I could just be upset my team lost.
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