Carny Street

The Giant Dipper at Santa Cruz is an old wooden roller coaster constructed in the the 1920's. The only people who die on roller coasters, I once heard a broker say, are the people who jump off in the middle of them. Of course he was referring to the hellacious ride called the New York Stock Exchange and the riders being like poor saps at the county fair who were strapped in for the Ferris Wheel only to get the Zipper instead. That carny pulling the levers appears more sober every day with drugs apparently less a hallucinogenic than stock projections. That flavorful pink cotton candy stock you ate before you got on that melted in your mouth like air led you straight to the even pinker pepto bismo when you realized it was worth less than it.

Suddenly it's chic to live paycheck to paycheck. If we can make the 1970's cool again maybe we can bring back the middle ages and that awesome feudal system we've heard so much about. I've always thought we could bring back moats and bridges to our architecture. Yet instead of keeping out attacking marauders we are just protecting our assets from Billy Bob's Lizard Towing service and his claim on our two months past due vehicles. Even the fiscally responsible are getting jabber wockied by this financial death star. I think that they should add sound effects to the market as it plunges. Maybe Darth Vader's breathing as the stocks dip into triple digits or the music from the shower scene in Psycho before the closing bell of an especially brutal financial beating. If we sense the doom of a bad report maybe we can start off the morning with some Jaws music to fire us up for the carnage to come.

This is a market correction. No wait, it is an anomaly. No wait, it hearkens back to the Great Depression. No wait, this is unprecedented. No wait, this is usual and ten year averages state..what's that? ..We've lost money on a ten year average? Oh...

Meanwhile we are getting lectured from countries who purchased US debt like USDA sirloin only to find out they've been served fried Twinkies. Oh...

In other news Apple has decided to start it's own country, maybe then it can buy some of our debt. This benefits them because with the freed up assets we'll just go buy a new Iphone or Ipad anyways. Then we can upload those Darth Vader breathing noises through an app. Or maybe we can record those screams on the Giant Dipper and buy them through ITunes instead..but why is it linking us to our online banking homepage? Oh...