Tuesday, August 3, 2010


When you are sick gatorade is like half-blood for vampires. It refreshes you and almost makes you feel better, but not quite. Right now I couldn't feel worse. This thing, whatever the hell it is, is not going away. The fever sucked big-time, now my back is killing me. I'm coughing, still have no energy and I'm sure I have some kind of swine, bird, or giraffe flu. It's not enjoyable. I think the only thing worse than being so sick, is being so far from family. I feel isolated like in a prison. And now my car is in the shop being fixed so I'm completely held hostage. I have to fight through it because I have no health insurance due to my wonderful trip to Europe, which right now for the first time seems like it was a really bad idea. Maybe it is just the sickness talking but I wish I hadn't gone. I feel like I'm in some screwed up Keystone beer commercial.."It doesn't get any better than this.." Oh man, I know there are worse places to be..death row? But this still feels pretty bad. Part of the reason I haven't written anything in almost a week is because I had nothing positive to say.

It's days like today that make me feel I need to move closer to my family. Fresno is not my ideal locale, but having that support group is really important. I can't live an isolated existence. I would not survive in a cabin alone deep in the woods. Although somedays this place isn't much different. At least if it was dark and grey outside it would match the way I feel. But no, it's gorgeous. Sunny, clear skies, hot and I can't enjoy any of it. On a positive note (and I'm really digging) I do have a good lead for a new job which I obviously need pronto. Like Don Draper in Mad Men I'm going through a transitional phase, minus the booze, women, advertising job and Jon Hamm looks. Other than that we're twins.

I'll shake this I know. I definitely need to get healthier. We have to hit bottom before we can balance ourselves and rise up. I'll look back at this time in six months, a year, or ten a lot differently than I do right now. It's just the now that's the hard part. Sorry this was such a depressing post. I'm not very creative today. I know out of my 87 facebook friends that have access to this that maybe ten read. Hopefully you stopped after the first paragraph. Work rehab is a fun idea but when you are not feeling well it is the asylum.