Thursday, August 11, 2011

Carny Street

The Giant Dipper at Santa Cruz is an old wooden roller coaster constructed in the the 1920's. The only people who die on roller coasters, I once heard a broker say, are the people who jump off in the middle of them. Of course he was referring to the hellacious ride called the New York Stock Exchange and the riders being like poor saps at the county fair who were strapped in for the Ferris Wheel only to get the Zipper instead. That carny pulling the levers appears more sober every day with drugs apparently less a hallucinogenic than stock projections. That flavorful pink cotton candy stock you ate before you got on that melted in your mouth like air led you straight to the even pinker pepto bismo when you realized it was worth less than it.

Suddenly it's chic to live paycheck to paycheck. If we can make the 1970's cool again maybe we can bring back the middle ages and that awesome feudal system we've heard so much about. I've always thought we could bring back moats and bridges to our architecture. Yet instead of keeping out attacking marauders we are just protecting our assets from Billy Bob's Lizard Towing service and his claim on our two months past due vehicles. Even the fiscally responsible are getting jabber wockied by this financial death star. I think that they should add sound effects to the market as it plunges. Maybe Darth Vader's breathing as the stocks dip into triple digits or the music from the shower scene in Psycho before the closing bell of an especially brutal financial beating. If we sense the doom of a bad report maybe we can start off the morning with some Jaws music to fire us up for the carnage to come.

This is a market correction. No wait, it is an anomaly. No wait, it hearkens back to the Great Depression. No wait, this is unprecedented. No wait, this is usual and ten year averages state..what's that? ..We've lost money on a ten year average? Oh...

Meanwhile we are getting lectured from countries who purchased US debt like USDA sirloin only to find out they've been served fried Twinkies. Oh...

In other news Apple has decided to start it's own country, maybe then it can buy some of our debt. This benefits them because with the freed up assets we'll just go buy a new Iphone or Ipad anyways. Then we can upload those Darth Vader breathing noises through an app. Or maybe we can record those screams on the Giant Dipper and buy them through ITunes instead..but why is it linking us to our online banking homepage? Oh...

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Admission is free

I believe my blog is like one of those wayside novelty stops on the highway. It’s the Paul Bunyan and Blue Ox off the 101 before Crescent City or the Shark World in that same wonderful city. People drive by thru their FaceBook surfing, see the blog updated; click the link and next thing you know you’ve paid $10 for “that?” What a rip off! So I drain ten to twenty minutes of your time instead. What else are you going to do? Surf for another video or music link to post on your wall? How original. You know that you were the 300th to like that post in the last half hour? Awesome! I think you should add lemmings to your favorite animal on your profile page too.

Paul and Babe the blue ox, Klamath, CA

That is how I start off a long blog hiatus. I berate you for stopping by and reading. Maybe I am inspired by the movie Talk Radio. I want to yell at my readers but am grateful they stopped by so I can yell at them! Of course that is joking, I appreciate I was missed. Even if you do spend the twenty minutes and wonder why you wasted your time. At least I didn’t try to sell you any cheap trinkets on the way out. Once I figure out how to market this thing, watch out! Shark key chains on the way or little “Your shark name is Mohican” danglies you can hang from your rear view mirror.

I am in a creative phase of my life again. The moon must be tied to the Pisces constellation in the third hemisphere of Krypton. I have worked in Ashland too long. My daily clientele consists of Renaissance flute distributors and International treaties signed to eliminate space based weapons to welcome extra-terrestrials. I wish I could make this stuff up. The material this place provides would make Ray Bradbury have a creative head explosion. It’s almost too much to absorb which is why I have to suppress it or else surrender to it completely and start churning out manuscripts to Morgan Freeman’s wormhole. That sounds terrible, but if you’ve seen the show you’d get it. And if you can’t follow well then that twenty minutes you sacrificed just got a little more painful didn’t it?

I am working on a new business idea/documentary I want to put together. You know it is a good idea when you can slap the documentary on top. That way if I bomb financially as a business owner I can piggyback my artistic expression and say that my failure was part of my creative experience. And truthfully the failure part is a lot more endearing than the success part nowadays isn’t it. A documentary about someone making millions and becoming an overnight success just seems a little gratuitous. Yet if I fail miserably and humiliate myself in the that is some award –winning film making!

This is just a dive back into the water today. A quick swim through the blue green algae of Emmigrant Lake. I can’t stay inside too long or I’ll get that madness they keep talking about. Oh wait a minute, nevermind…might as well gulp it up in gallons.