Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Who needs love when we have death and taxes

That a seminar for death and taxes is scheduled on Valentine’s Day is absolutely fitting. After all what better way to appreciate how fleeting love can be then when we pair it up with certainties. You can sing love songs, write poems, and shower with gifts and flowers but when the music fades, the words fail, and the flowers die well now you can pay some taxes and count down your inevitable demise. Isn’t that romantic? I know there is a Hallmark card there somewhere. In most states I’d even have to pay a sales tax on it.

This is one of my least favorite Hallmark holidays. It gets this name because this day has kept the greeting card business going strong for years. It morphed into the email card business and now text greetings. I’m sure there is already a Hallmark application available for download on any touch screen phone so you too can get your digitalized love message delivered gratifyingly instant. I know that when I was in relationships I dreaded this day for the pressure that it creates. What is an appropriate gift? Do I go for the expensive item which can rush the phases of the relationship or do I low-key it and risk not showing enough? In more serious relationships, marriages, etc I imagine there is less pressure on the day, yet starting out or several months in it can be a very uncomfortable day. I especially “love” the dinner phase of the night when every couple seems to be out on their romantic date and where the conversation lulls can be excruciating. This was a day to bring doubts and insecurities to every relationship or potential one, all you can do on a day like Valentine's Day is escape the day unscathed. A net/loss and net/gain of zero is the goal. So in a way it is like business taxes. I want to show enough profit to gain her attention and make her feel appreciated but I don't want to pay taxes so I can't show too much. Of course if I need a loan later I'm screwed (or not).

Of course the best way around Valentine's Day is to just spoil yourself. You can walk into your favorite jeweler and then walk out with a beautiful $2500 necklace. Therefore you bypass that whole tax thing to begin with. I cannot wait for the Surreal Life to come back with Lindsay and Charlie in the house. I would watch every episode. In fact any reality show with the two of them together would be better than any sitcom or film role could ever provide. We are talking Emmy awards and Oscars if they arrived to the big screen version. This could be epic. Now that is a movie I would gladly take a Valentine's date to! I would even buy her flowers. Or in honor of the stars, I'd walk out of the store with them at least.