Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Fight or alien flight??

I don’t know about you but I’m tired of being on the ropes. We are like some beat-up prize fighter wailing away with wobbly footing. We can’t focus. Our eyes are darting off to some flying circling birds around our head. The punch we are countering with has the power of a teenagers pillow fight. And we are taking straight head shots the likes unseen since Rocky vs. Ivan Drago in the Soviet Union. We are being clobbered. This is the kind of damage that turns our brains into Anderson’s split-pea soup. What are we to do?

Do we stay off-kilter and wait for the white towel to get flung into the ring? I hate to tell you this but Mick is busy watching the Bachelor Pad. That towel you are waiting on to bail you out is being used to wipe his chin after an episode of Man vs. Food. He is not paying attention to the carnage unfolding in the ring in front of him he is listening to CNBC tell him how the instability in some bank in France is causing his retirement fund to shrivel up like his..gloves. Yes, Mick will not be bailing you out of this beat down. So what is plan B?

Do we wait for the vicious final TKO blow? It’s got to be coming right? Aliens are shortly making landfall to evaporate us into fuel for their distant planet. The stock market will crash completely with every stock reaching zero simultaneously. The gas prices will grow so high that people will abandon their car at the station and at stop lights in every city. Television will soon realize the only show we will actually ever watch will be one where we are each the star and will implant cameras into all of our houses only for us to discover that we are completely boring after all having lived the last several years through the lives of others. No, we will not get knocked out people. Ivan Drago was juicing remember? While we await that final knockout punch so that we can sleep in peace the U.S. government wants to seize all evidence of this film enhancing drug activity. Who was that Russian doctor injecting Drago’s biceps? Can we call Dolph Lundgren to testify? The public wants to know! How dare they falsely enhance such an important movie to our culture? The people must know the government means business. Ok..so plan C?

Fight?! Do we fight back? Do we grit our teeth and refuse to accept this national malaise? Do we search for a deeper meaning? Do we train harder and stronger so that we can no longer be a punching bag for all the calamities that life is currently hurling at us? Do we all make like little Rudy’s and be the underdog so that we can get some five minutes of mop up time? Are we going to come to the realization that the safe road is now lined with land mines? Life is supposed to be hard and challenging and if we want the prize we have to endure hardship right? But, it would be a hell of a lot easier if these damn aliens would hurry up and get here already.

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