Saturday, October 30, 2010

It's phtalo blue...not falo it

I remember watching this white guy with an enormous afro painting on tv when I was a kid. He would talk very softly and danced his brush across the canvas and if almost by magic beautiful images appeared out of nowhere. I wasn't sure if he was an artist or an illusionist. He painted images of "happy little trees",clouds, and that phtalo blue sky right before our eyes. I googled falo blue for half an hour before I found the correct spelling. Turns out it is not a shade of blue but the type of oil paint he used. He created whatever he wanted to on a canvas, kind of like life. It is whatever we decide to paint that day. Either they are "happy trees", or they are not. Either we paint a bright sky or a dark and cloudy one. We are all the artists in a way, how we choose to paint the canvas is up to us.

Bob Ross with his phtalo blue.
 Instead of focusing on what isn't, time to focus on what IS. This year has been incredible. I travelled to the Grand Canyon and hiked in Havasupai Falls. I travelled to Europe and visited the Colosseum and the Eiffel Tower. I went to Spain and I visited the Mediterranean. It's tough to feel too bad for myself. My Lakers won the NBA title. The Giants are playing in the World Series. This year has been pretty magical. Sure, I lost love, but I had love to lose..not many people get that and I've lived years without love at all. These things can't be forgotten. You can't legitimately expect no hurdles in life, or in years of our lives. This year has had it's ups and downs. But it has had some amazing ups. As if riding on a roller coaster and as the ride goes higher I've had moments where I've been carried out of my seat into the sky and have looked down upon the world below me. If you would have told me that I may lose my relationship and a job in 2010 but I'd get all of these other things, I am not sure I would say no to that. I can find another job. And if something is meant to be it will work itself out, if it is not, then we move on. It's life.

Life is nothing but transitional. It's the juice that wakes us up in the morning. Yeah we can sit and fret about past decisions but those decisions make us who we are and lead us to new revelations. I'm finishing my degree at 33. Guess what? It's ok. There is not a strict timetable to life. With medicine and science we'll probably all live till we are 110, might as well not rush the thing. Things happen when they are supposed to happen. Grandma Moses started painting at age 76 and completed 1000's of painting by her death at 101. An 82-year old man just hiked Mount Kilimanjaro. Age is not a number that should restrain any goals or be measured against.

I set goals in January for 2010 and I have to say I honestly accomplished a lot of them. That I was sitting here this morning in deep melancholy feeling sorry for myself is not really fair. I should be grateful and optimistic, and set new goals. Sometimes however we achieve something it is not as fulfilling as we imagined. I'm not any better off because I mowed down a list of objectives. I didn't change who I am, but that doesn't mean we stop striving. I think the first 6 months were outer goals and the last 6 months have been a far more personal journey from within. I may not have visited as many tropical locations from June on, but I've dug into myself a heck of a lot deeper, and not always liking what has been coming out. And yet I realize I've probably gained more from that too.

Here's to anticipation..good anticipation. Not fear. Not doubt. Hope. Sometimes it is rewarded and sometimes it is not and we sit in a pumpkin patch all night waiting for something that isn't going to happen, but I'd rather live in hope than doubt.

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