Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Investment Opportunity

I’m looking for investments into my new company. I am planning a trip to Kepler-22. You know, that planet 600 light-years away they say is like Earth. If you invest in it today then there is a good chance you can own a piece of this new planet too. I mean, it is 72 degrees and always sunny. The days move a little faster too so we won’t be stuck in the office as much. I am putting together pamphlets and a prospectus for your initial investments. Are you excited? In 2500 years we may actually reap the benefits of this new world. That is really setting up your great-great-great-great-great-great-great (to the twelfth power) grandchildren for success! Talk about the gift that keeps on giving for the holiday season. This one gives forever. It’s like buying coffee for the car behind you at Starbucks. Just please don’t be the scrooge that stops the giving train. With the way our dollar is spending might as well start your investment for the next millennium.

Right now we are being told the US dollar is worthless anyways. Everyone should be investing in Kardashian’s. That is the new currency according to Google. Every news article I find on there is Kardashian related. E news has somehow supplanted the New York Times as far as Google news is concerned. Our economy may be on the verge of collapse but that Kourtney is having another baby. Thanks for filling me in, I’m going to purchase some of that right away! The stock..not the baby. Of course the way our society has become in the realm of talentless individuals getting an unfair advantage on the playing field of life due to their last name lets go ahead and start investing in the babies of the wealthy today. Instead of writing my first screenplay for Justin Timberlake or Mila Kunis’s movie career I’ll just start one for their baby that they’ll eventually have. We’ll just fill in the name blank later.

There are unrealistic expectations from everyone. Companies want you to produce more with fewer resources and they offer less to you to do so. This is while you are being surveyed by customers for your experience level. Everyone is surveying experience level. If I go to McDonalds I know I am getting terrible service and I am lucky to get what I originally ordered and am hopeful it was not intentionally spit on by anyone in particular. That we now should expect excellent service from McDonalds is ridiculous. They pay their employees $5 an hour. They are not going to offer great service for $5 an hour! Just because the economy has collapsed and you can no longer afford a fancy steakhouse you have to realize that you get what you pay for! You want good service, pay for good service. It isn’t free. The problem with society is that we’ve adapted to this behavior where we expect something for nothing. If you don’t pay for service don’t be offended when you get none. The lack of economy and jobs notwithstanding does not mean your service level should improve either.

Of course my company provides excellent service, you just will get no return on your money this or next millennium. Your great-great…grandchildren (to the twelfth power) however, they will be enjoying some nice sunshine on their beach home on Kepler-22. That is of course unless a Kardashian invests in it first, then they are just screwed.

No comments:

Post a Comment