That Vision (Board) thing....

Four years ago I read the book "The Secret". I liked the idea of it and agreed that positive thoughts do lead to better things happening in our lives. I saw the video in 2007. While some of the speakers were kinda hokey I found that it was pretty inspiring to think of how we can attract positive things into our lives just by focusing on them. Some people disclaimed the movie and book as wishful thinking. It didn't really explain how you were going to achieve all these things you wished for/thought of, so many people felt that is catered to the dreamers and people who weren't realistic about life.

I allowed myself to buy into the concept and in 2007 I made a Youtube video with all of my goals as if they had already happened. I showed my dream house in Maui, my yacht, and all of the places I wanted to travel to. A few of the destinations in my video were: Spain, Italy and Havasupai Falls in Arizona. I didn't realize this until I made another video a few days ago set to music of all the places I visited in 2010. It was set to the same music. I showed my friend Whitney online and she remembered my old video. The one I made in '07 was just a "Vision Board", a visual wish list. The one I made three days ago was real. The places I visited were almost identical. I only wish I still had that original video so that I could show and compare them.

Here is the link to the 2010 video I made three days ago:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l15_Z56QTxk


Needless to say, this inspired me. Was it possible that my mind already believed that I was going there so it happened? Could the "law of attraction" that was described in "The Secret" be real?

Yesterday I decided to make a new vision board. This is where my life is going. This is the plan and it looks pretty real to me. I know I'm capable of this and this is the kind of life I want to live, so check it out. Interesting side note...after I finished making this video I went out to get my mail for the first time in a few days. I had a check for $500 in my mailbox. I couldn't even make this stuff up. Enjoy the video....

Birthday Blog..Happy Birthday sister.

There is a little bit of a delay on the card and gift, the delay being neither are on the way so all you get is this measly blog entry to you. You know the factors: the recession, laziness, overall Jon-ness. Not to be confused with Jonas. I am not one of their brothers, otherwise it would be a hell of a birthday gift. "You see that car outside your window Kim??" Well it's not yours, cause I'm not a Jonas brother.

I was lucky to have a great sister like you growing up. Even the times when I was the obnoxious little brother following you and harassing you in front of your potential boyfriends. The eight year difference definitely had the effect of me getting my way a lot more because you were the ground-breaker so I appreciate that. And who could forget all the hot cheerleader girlfriends you had and the coolest backyard parties in the neighborhood. Even when one of your friends hustled me out of my "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Oryndorf wrestling figure and I cried like a little girl, I still had fun. It wasn't a bad place to be. And yet I'm kind of glad I had an eight year window to go to high school after you so that your popularity had faded in the distance while I strolled into Madera High with my bottle cap glasses. Ha, that's kinda sad.

I remember the little yellow house in the backyard in Madera. I think grandpa built that for you right? If it was dad, wow I'm terrible...someone built it. All I remember is that for you in was this playhouse and by the time you out grew it it became my fort. I think I did more damage to that little house in a couple of years than you did in several. I think by the time I was done with it they had condemned the building.

I remember random things. Like my friends in the backyard at Phillip's house. When you came looking for me because I was in trouble, I don't remember what I did but I'm sure it was bad. My friend Joseph started singing "Whoooa here she comes, watch out boys she'll chew you up...whooa here she comes she's a maneater." We were like eight. I don't even think he knew what the song meant. I just think he knew I was in trouble!

I also still feel bad for that time we were at Long's and you wanted to go inside and get some things in the store and I didn't have shoes and wouldn't go in. You tried to bribe me to go in but mom and dad wouldn't have it. You had to stay in the car and watch me because I wasn't budging. Isn't that ridiculous to feel guilty about something so random? Yet I remember these things. Somethings stay with us longer than others even if they make no sense to remember at all.

I followed your lead though. You got the the chevy sprint car first, then I got one. You got the bank teller job at BofA then I did. You were a cheerleader and I like cheerleaders. But you have always been the responsible one and I'm definitely not that. You've got a beautiful family, a great house, and a very full life. I'm proud of you sister. I love you and I wish you an awesome birthday. You better go out and celebrate.

Textaholics Anonymous

"Hello, my name is Jon and I'm a textaholic." That's it, I'm halfway to curing my affliction. I'm on the road to recovery. I'm... hold on I think I have a text...nope, false alarm. Alright well I need this group because I am definitely an addicted texter. I text when I drive, I text when I'm drunk, I may be on nyquil, half asleep, fully asleep (real talent), and just way too often. I forget what human voices sound like I am too busy texting. I need to read the steps and develop a healthier way of living because this isn't working...wait, is my phone blinking? No, it's the glare.

I've had embarrassing escapades via text. Almost as bad as Mikey making those repeated calls in the movie Swingers to that answering machine. I can't even watch that scene it is so desperate and painful to view. Yet while I have not called a girl's machine several times in a row in order to say the perfect message and end up sounding like a complete dumbass, I have sent the texts. I've sent the texts and then another, and then another. Hello idiot, if she doesn't respond to the third one stop sending...oh damn, four, five, ...maybe. Yeah take the phone and hurl it. Mikey baby, I'm with ya.

I wish there were books on texting etiquette. Is it ok to text this time? What is the proper thing to text in this situation? How long should I wait to reply to that last text? I'd read all of them: The Power of Positive Texting; The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Texters; Guerilla Texting. You name it, I would be all over those. I need guidance and direction cause I'm an addict.

I can't be alone out there. There have to be other addicted texters with worse stories than mine. I have to hear them so I don't feel like the biggest loser in the room. Where is this meeting?! I'll even pour the coffee and get a sponsor. I'm committed to recovery, but I need to hear about the guy/gal who lives under a bridge because of their text addiction. Maybe that will knock some sense into me.

It was so much easier, you know, before text. Now you have to decipher what they mean when they say something. What does that mean? Is she/he joking? Is that playful? Or do they really want to get a restraining order on me? I can't read the signals!

So there we have it, Text Anonymous..not to be confused with Facebook Anonymous. Cause baby, that disease is incurable. Have a great day...um, text me. : )

It was epic

Well not the tennis. The tennis match yesterday between Sam Martin Jr. and myself will not be replayed on any highlight show. First off there was Sam's really strange Tears for Fears classic blasting on his car stereo as he approached the courts. And then there was my game that resembled a groupie at one of those late 1980's concerts. Yes, Sam beat me in biblical proportions. Well technically I was ahead 5-3 and serving for game when my abilities capitulated in biblical proportions, like Lot's wife my game turned to salt. I went from a crisp fresh apple to some deep fried Burger King french fries. The final, 6-5. Sam with the monumental comeback and Jon looking to borrow Sam's classic Tears for Fears CD. I think Everyone does want to rule the world.

So today I am closer to working again. September 1st. I will be playing Earth, Wind, and Fires "September" driving to work my first day, that I guarantee. For the remainder of my time off I'm going to complete all the pre-hire material they keep emailing me every five minutes. I think this company knows more about me than I do. They may already be keeping tabs on my blog so from here forward it shall be known only as "The company thou shall not talk of". It's kind of like those creatures in the Village, but much more frightening. They wear suits and ties and if we've learned anything from the last few years of this economic Chernobyl that is a hell of a lot more impactful than a quick death by some giant hooded rat-like creature.

How was everyone's weekend? Good? This weather..amazing huh? How about that ...game? I am working on my corporate small-talk. I'm a little rusty. So where were we? Tennis? I think I finished that topic. Job? Plenty of time to talk about "The company thou shall not talk of", so what next? Ah..politics. Of course. I've managed to steer clear of the old politics for fear of alienating my sole reader on here. Not really sure which way they sway politically, but it's high time we made a stand and shook up the views of the common man. About that mosque?...Um yeah, about that. I uh, just find it hard to approve your permit on the condition that hard-core disciples of your religion, um sort of flew two planes into these buildings down the street about ten years ago. Yeah, um, not really sure I can approve this based on the fact that you have taken so many lives and your religion is not the peaceful establishment you claim to be. I don't know about you but if I left a job and threw my computer out a window and punched my boss in the face walking out the door I somehow am not sure they would hire me back...even ten years later! I'm all about forgiveness but take your forgiveness to another part of town and don't put it on your resume that you did that. Because I sure won't get hired and they should not be putting a mosque there. To me, this doesn't feel like a right or left issue, it feels like common courtesy.

Ok, the politics portion is out of the way. How about sex? Good? Yeah? Ok well I don't really have anything to talk about sex-wise. I just wanted to veer to that direction because you know it's a nice topic. On Entourage, Vinny Chase's girlfriend is a porn star. I guess Speidi is coming out with some new sex tapes and it appears all staged. Man, Hollywood ain't what it used to be. You used to have to hide all of your sexual appetites from the public now you can't catch a break unless you let it out. "I like your reel Stacy, great head shots..but where is your "real" reel??" She'll be hosting the Emmy's in two years.

I don't have too much more today. I have to fill out some forms again. I think fifteen more have hit my inbox since I've started this blog. Just wanted to emphasize the fun I had yesterday in my tennis beatdown. Also that the mosque is not a good idea to me, and I think that without love and a promise land, we're fools to the rules of a government plan, so kick out the style, bring back the jam!

The sun will come out tomorrow

Kind of a dark Saturday evening tonight. A blanket of clouds are overhead. Earlier this week we had some thunder and hail, and before that days and days of sunshine. I think when we have so much sunshine we take it for granted. In fact, after several weeks of it I'll admit I get annoyed of it. I lived in Seattle for eight years. I'm not used to this much sun. I say I'd move to Arizona, but who am I kidding. I would go crazy. Of course during the winter and the cold, and perhaps weeks and weeks of rain I'll miss the sun like a lost love. I'll long for it. I'll write blogs to it. I'll listen to music and think about a sunny late summer day in August. So I have to remember to appreciate it when it is here, because in a couple of months it won't be.

As the summer is sure to fade into fall and then winter, even life long loves eventually die. We come in this world alone and we die alone. As much as till death do us part resonates for the married and those clamoring to be married, life is a solo journey. Whether you live to those wedding vows or you don't and your heart gets broken into pieces we need to remember our happiness is our own. We may carry those people in our hearts but they may no longer carry us. We may not even be a passing thought anymore if that person has moved on with their life. This isn't to say that life isn't more meaningful with someone else. I believe it is. Shared experience can have a much greater impact than the individual one. Yet, to think that someone's emotions and feelings are the same as you experience them is untrue. They may be somewhere else already. That incredible moment you experience may not be the same for them.

The beauty of this though is no matter how devastated you can be from losing someone in your life, the seasons do change. The darkness eventually subsides and light peeks through your blinds. You pull yourself off the couch, clean your house, shave, get a job and things improve. The melancholy that you might have felt dissipates, fades into something else. Yet it can't be resentful to move on. It always has to be with appreciation and hope. I think gratitude is the number one killer of depression. If you can find things to be grateful in your life than it is pretty difficult to carry around miserably.

I read an article the other day about a man in Cleveland, Ohio who was incarcerated in prison for 26 years for a rape of a minor that new DNA evidence shows he did not commit. Twenty-six years of his life gone because he did not have legal representation and he was a black man who was identified by a witness in a line up. Twenty-six years of his life behind bars and he was innocent. The anger and resentment that I would feel I can't even comprehend. I think I would be mad at God. I think I would feel like I was being persecuted. That this world is unjust and that it is cruel. Yet this man was not bitter. He was not resentful. He was hopeful. He got his degree in jail. He contacted the Innocence Project and stated his case. With new representation he was found innocent of the crime and released from jail. He said that if he had been resentful and angry he wouldn't have made it. That place would have eaten him alive. He remained hopeful even under circumstances that would break most men.

We have to grasp optimism. Even the grayest day will eventually turn into night and then another morning to start over. If we do not embrace this then we become gray ourselves. Our senses dull, our heart hardens, and the only person who truly suffers is ourself. The one who hurt us or wronged us, or we hurt or wronged, they won't feel what we feel. They have their own emotions to deal with. We can't hurt for someone else. We can care about them. But their pain or lack of it, is their own. We can't make them feel something they won't. But if we don't embrace the hope and we hold onto the bitterness then those friends who support us stop calling. Life is too short to be dragged down by someone who can't pull themselves up. If this man who was in jail had been bitter and refused to embrace hope then he might have committed a crime in jail. He may never have gotten his degree nor contacted the Innocence Project. There are surely many others wrongly accused serving time who did not embrace hope and have died behind prison walls.

Yesterday I got a job. It isn't a dream job. Nothing I wrote about as a child growing up. It is a good job, and I'm lucky to have it. It's less than I made before but I also knew that risk when I quit the last place. It's a fresh start though. It's a new morning. So tonight I will go out with friends and celebrate. I'm appreciative of opportunity. There is always a new one and sometimes we have to lose something to gain something. I didn't start this blog until I had to. I missed it. I appreciate the people that read this, but if they don't it's ok. It's for me. I write for myself and I hope everyone does something for themselves, because this is our journey.

The ending is the beginning

I would write a novel. I would just sit down, research and write an entire novel even if it took me a year. Maybe it would never find the light of day. Maybe it would be published and sit in the dollar book section at Rite Aid but it would be completed. I couldn't say it would be a best seller or a 300 page dust collector on a shelf. It could be both! But, it would be finished and I'd always have that. At the end of my life the prosecutor could pull up my book and say "look here, this is real crap. We can't let this guy move on. Did you read this thing? Before I read his book I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt, but now..." The judge would nod in agreement, "I read it and wish I could black out from that event myself. Guilty!" The defense attorney would nod and look over at me, "Yeah before the book I thought we had a chance here. I had no idea they could find a copy." And while I sat my days away in my purgatory jail cell of fear I could recount all the reasons they were wrong and write my next one. I just need to break out of this cell first. Anyone have rock hammer and a Megan Fox poster?

If you could do whatever you wanted without any fears what would you do? Where would you go? Would it make a difference if all those past failures, fears, doubters were completely blacked out of your mind?

We all have ready made excuses for not trying new things too. We can just pull the list out of our pocket and read it off to fit the appropriate moment. Um, too much money? Afraid of heights? Not my thing? She isn't that hot? I'd probably hate it? Not after last time...etc etc. We've kept this list since we grew out from our adventurous childhood and call it maturity and growth. When most of the time it is just reactionary acquired fear. It may have been a friend, neighbor, or parent, but someone said we couldn't do it for this or that reason and it became our reason. It will be our reason until we tell our friend, neighbor, child...then it will be theirs. Our own limitations become a hereditary trait.

I think fear of loss keeps us from pursuing a lot of our dreams. What if I lose the house, boat, car, spouse, job, etc? That would be worse than if I never had it at all. At least if I didn't have it in the first place I wouldn't know what it felt like to lose it. We see the stories of the billionaires who have everything and are still unhappy. We realize then that the castle and yacht is not the prize. Possessions are never going to satiate. It's like trying to drink beer in the desert. Sure maybe a corona sounds delicious when we are thirsty but we are dying of thirst here. We drink that cold refreshing corona and then we need another one..fast! Possessions won't satiate your thirst because you will just need more of them. Someone will always have one better, newer, more technologically advanced. It's the feelings you get from the possessions; the achievement, excitement, comfort, that are more lasting.

Staying on the subject of movies, another great one is Defending Your Life. It was a movie about a man who at the end of his life had to go to court and in front of a judge had to defend how he lived his life. They showed scenes of events in his life, moments that were heroic, and many moments that were not, and he had to justify why he made those decisions. The prosecutor trying him was trying to prove that he made poor choices and lived his life in fear. The defense attorney tried to show that his decisions while not always wise were not fear-based but heroic. The more days they assigned to work on the case the more of your life they had to see..the more likely you were in trouble. This makes me wonder how many days they would need to see of my life. Right now I would say a lot. I'm sure I haven't always made the best decisions, though I know I've conquered a lot of fears. I jumped out of an airplane. I hiked alone in the Grand Canyon. I quit my job with no safety net and went to Europe. These are fearless decisions. I also haven't written my novel, screenplay, or done anything with a talent for writing I've had since childhood for fear of rejection. For many years I'd see a beautiful girl and wouldn't dare approach her for those same reasons. I'm not sure I want to face that judge yet or that prosecutor. Give me a few more years to build my case!

If we could choose to black out certain parts of our life it would be like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. We would just erase the memories completely. That seems pretty harsh and I think, as in the movie, we would regret that decision. If only because we would walk around with a feeling of deja vu wherever we went. We'd lose that pain which really is the stuff that makes us grow as a person. I don't think we learn as much or grow as much when we are happy and successful. I think it takes pain and failure for the good growth. Or maybe that is just what miserable people tell themselves to feel better. Yet even the most successful people in history had to fail and fail miserably before they achieved true success. It took Thomas Edison hundreds of attempts to create the light bulb. Yet history doesn't look at Edison as some huge failure who only succeeded once in creating the light bulb. He invented the light bulb. Abraham Lincoln filed bankruptcy. He was a complete disaster as a business owner. But how many people knew that? We know him as one of our greatest (if not the greatest) president ever. How about Michael Jordan? He lost in the NBA playoffs to the Detroit Pistons three years in a row. Did he run off and join forces with Larry Bird and Magic Johnson to form a super team in Miami? No, he got more resolve and won six NBA titles. No one remembers the losses. We just remember him as the greatest player of all-time.

One of my favorite movies is Memento. The guy has short-term memory loss. Every five minutes or so he forgets everything all over again. He ends up tattooing everything all over his body to remember clues to a crime he is solving and everybody he's met. Last night I watched The Hangover again. These guys just got roofied and forgot their crazy bachelor party night and spent the next day piecing it together. No tattoos, just a missing tooth, a tiger, and a naked Japanese man with a tire iron. I'm sure we've all had moments in our life we wished we could black out from. Whether it was something painful or just plain embarrassing, we would be better off having no recollection of it except maybe some small piece of evidence..that we burn. Well in honor of those great movies I'm going to write a blog backwards today. Or as backwards as you can write a blog, last paragraph will be the first so I guess to really make sense of it you need to start at the bottom and read up, of course that is no fun so hopefully you read the whole thing chronologically and are just as confused as that poor dude in Memento minus the full body tattoos.

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

Do you ever feel you were born in the wrong time? I do sometimes. I feel like I am stuck in a culture and a time that doesn't inspire or move me. Had I been born in the 1920's I would have fought in World War 2. I would have been part of the greatest generation. I would have toughness that I don't possess now. I would have more resolve and more passion. Sure, life would have been challenging and not guaranteed especially if I had to fight in that war, but it also seemed healthier. It feels like life now is a lot less healthier even though medicine and science may keep us alive longer. What we gained in years we've lost in intelligence, depth, and compassion.

If I was born in 1877, instead of 1977 I would have been born 19 years before the first car in the US was built, 26 years before the first plane ever flew. I would have lived during the time of Mark Twain. I'd be seven when Huckleberry Finn was first printed and published. I'd see the end of the horse and buggy. I'd be 52 when the Great Depression hit and crippled the US and world economy. Would I have been in a soup kitchen? Would I have the mental resolve to bounce back? Would life then have prepared me for those challenges?

How about forty years earlier? If I was born in 1837 instead of 1877, I'd have been 11 when the California Gold Rush struck. If my family lived east (which most did in that time) would they have taken the trek out west? Could we have ended up like the Donner party in 1846? Stuck in the mountains and snowed in forced to make those horrible decisions. If we stayed east I'd have been 24 when the Civil War began. I'd be fighting against a divided country with vastly different philosophies on how their lives should be.

What about 1777? That would be a year after we claimed Independence from England. I would be a baby in a baby of a country. I would be ten when the US Constitution was adopted. I'd be 11 when George Washington was elected our first President. And if born just 20 years earlier I'd be fighting for Independence against England.

Even my parent's generation had the 1960's. They had Vietnam. They had Haight Ashbury and free love. They had Woodstock. They watched man's first steps on the moon.

We've had 9/11. I'm not sure how many of us still even now the impact that's had on us. We are in two wars, but seem so far away from them. We live in a 24 hour news cycle and stalk celebrities. We tear people down to build ourselves up. We count down events. First Y2K, the supposed end of computers as we knew them. Now 2012, the end of the Mayan calendar and supposed cataclysmic world event. We reach back for yesterday to explain our tomorrow because we don't know where we are going. We grasp history to explain our financial crises because we don't know how to fix them ourselves. We have more information and technology at our fingertips, we can learn more than any of our ancestors ever dreamed of knowing and we lie idle. We are overwhelmed. We crave the horse and buggy. We crave the log cabin and fireplace and classic book, maybe Huckleberry Finn? Because our minds don't move as fast as this world is moving us.

I worry about the next ten years. Maybe we cling to the idea of 2012 because we can't see what exists afterwards. We keep looking for the end because no one knows where this ship is sailing. We ride until they tell us to get off. I just wonder if I should even be on it or if I was supposed to be on the Mayflower.