Kendra was my best friend when I was two. We would make mud pies in my front yard and sunbathe nude on my back deck. Our pale white asses reflecting the sun back to the sky. I have photo evidence. When we grew older we staged fake weddings. I wore the powder blue tux and she wore a white sun dress with a bonnet. The neighborhood kids from the block would come to her front yard to watch, one of them performing the service. We got married twice. Not sure why. I don't ever remember the divorce in between. I do know that she was a year older than me and I played with a lot more dolls between ages 2-6 than most boys ever did. I also was always the student and she the teacher when we played school. We rode our Hot Wheels bikes down the street, mine was the Incredible Hulk and she had the Dukes of Hazard. We role played the show Moonlighting. I was David and she was Maddie.
When kindergarten approached I met new friends. One of my buddies in kindergarten was Phillip. One day while in my backyard I heard voices behind my house. I looked over my fence to see Phillip and his brother Jerry playing soccer. It turns out my friend from kindergarten was also my neighbor. We became great friends. Soon I was no longer playing with the Ken doll and was playing with G.I. Joes. My friendship with Kendra was never the same. It seemed the games we used to play were no longer as fun as the games my new friends played. Kendra's family eventually moved away from next door to a town nearby and we almost lost contact completely. Phillip remained my best friend all through grade school and high school.
We both had huge goals. Even when I was in 2nd grade I was writing. I was sure that I would be writing books at some point in my life. My favorite books growing up were Encyclopedia Brown and any Hardy Boys choose your own adventure book. Phillip took up wrestling at a young age and became very good at it. While I played Little League and auditioned as a tackling dummy for Pop Warner and then freshman football I was never a star athlete. Phillip turned out to be a great high school wrestler. We both anticipated making a lot of money and would try to inspire each other to strive in our goals. I remember as sophomores we even had business cards made for one of our business ventures. We called the business Permil, which was a combination of our last names Perez and Miller. With these lame cards (they had women's lip prints on them) we started approaching women in the mall and introducing ourselves with our business cards. We would compete to see who could get the most phone numbers of girls and if they wouldn't give us theirs we'd whip out the oh-so-cool business cards and hand it to them. If we were feeling especially bold (or desperate) we'd write a little message on the back of the card before we approached them. I think we probably handed out 50 cards between us. I know I didn't get a call. I think Phillip said he did, but I seriously doubted it.
After high school I moved away to Oregon with my family. While I still maintained my friendship with Phillip and he even moved up to Oregon for a few months, we eventually grew apart. He continued his wrestling and even became almost a pioneer in mixed martial arts in California. I went to one of his fights down in Gardenia in an abandoned warehouse. This was several years before Dana White made MMA fighting lucrative, UFC was in existence but Ken Shamrock was in his prime. I last talked to Phillip in 2001. By then I had moved to Seattle.
It was in Seattle that I met my buddy Derek at Wells Fargo. He was a banker at another in-store branch and eventually we started working at the same downtown branch. We were living it up in the heyday of Kirkland. We got an apartment together and every night we hung out at either the Kirkland Pub or the Shark Club right off Lake Washington. We drank, partied, met girls (D a few more than me) and stayed up until 2 or 3 am every night. We would wake 4 hours later to head to our jobs. I don't even remember drinking coffee then. I do remember one day while in the branch Derek shot a paper clip with a rubber band from behind teller row and nailed me in the head right above my eye at my desk. It was an amazing shot across the entire branch from as far back as he was, but at the time I didn't appreciate his accuracy. In fact the branch was slow and when he hit me in the head I yelled "Mother Fucker!" You could hear the audible gasps from my supervisor and co-workers who looked over at me in horror. Derek was bursting in laughter almost falling over. Bastard.
I eventually moved out of the apartment and bought a condo, and Derek moved to downtown Seattle in the Queen Anne district. We still partied it up but now the scene was Seattle and not the Eastside. I think I fell out of a couple cabs. I know that Ozzie's and Peso's got a few bucks out of me for a few years. In 2006 I moved to Medford.
It was a tough move. While I loved the area, I knew no one. I felt very isolated. When you get older it is harder to make friends. It's definitely harder to make good friends. I stayed good buds with Derek and still visit Seattle, but not enough. In 2008 I made another great Wells Fargo compadre in Sam. Again he was working in an in-store branch. This time Phoenix and he looked about as miserable as my buddy Derek in Juanita. I know we've been through some tough and interesting times together in the two years we've been friends. He's seen me at my lowest moments and also when things seemed to be at their peak, then again when that peak seemed to collapse in an avalanche. Yet I know he's a friend I won't forget. In life we aren't guaranteed good friends. Sometimes we have them and we lose touch. Sometimes all it takes is a phone call to restore that. Sometimes they never will be. I've learned though not to look back in regret on lost friendships. Because they aren't lost at all. They are a part of us, and who we are, and who we will be. We can always look back fondly and laugh or cry, but appreciative that they were apart of our lives.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
That wedding thing..aka "The Big Show"
Last night I had a dream about a wedding, my wedding. The church was filled with people the bride was waiting and I did not have a tux. I was completely under dressed for the event and one of my groomsmen Terry, my brother-in-law, had a tux but wouldn't lend me his. He said to just go out in what I was wearing. I scavenged through a bedroom closet looking for anything that resembled a tuxedo. I woke up before I got my conclusion. Maybe I've seen too many Facebook wedding pictures, or maybe something else is at work here. And why did I already see the bride out there waiting?
I've always thought marriage was an institution I couldn't get behind. The big charade with photos. It seemed like a way to gather people you see once in five, ten, fifteen years to celebrate a union that the state now says is official. As if your love for that person wasn't real enough until you put on the show. I've seen the shows and I've watched them not work out for people close to me, so I wondered what the big deal was all about. I honestly felt that it was not for me. That I would never marry, and possibly never find that woman to marry. The idea that marriage is any harder than it was 30, 40, or 50 years ago is an excuse I give myself to support this reasoning.
I've heard the stories of friends who were or are married and they didn't sound promising. Many of them bitched and moaned about there situations and how they wish they could still be single. I took that to heart as a first hand account of marriage. The older I get though I realize I didn't make these observations myself. They were second hand stories from people who may not even have felt the way they expressed. They had their "big show" and their own first hand accounts of what went wrong. Or maybe it's human nature to hold on to our independant spirit even after we are joined in matrimony. Maybe that wishful thinking is that voice being heard.
I never understood why so many women clamored for their wedding days. To me it just seemed like it was an opportunity for them to get dressed up in a fancy gown and be the center of attention for a day. That was my cynical belief on their desires. Then I realized that the true desire is hope. Weddings are the last truly hopeful event for many people to attend to. It's an optimistic event filled with promise that inspires people. Maybe this will last. Maybe they will live happily ever after. The wedding is a public viewing of their commitment to each other. I get that. Even if I believe that people jump too soon, or wrongfully, into marriages who am I to pass judgement. I open up more to a blog in internet land then I did to a woman who I was with for a year and a half of my life. My walls to protect myself were so thick that when it all ended I didn't even realize that it had been like this for months.
I sat last night in my hot tub. The tiki torches were waving in the breeze. The gorgeous stars were above me. I had a very tasty cold Corona in my hand. My lap top was sitting nearby playing music from my Itunes. First it was some up beat Michael Jackson "Rock with You" but then it drifted to some Otis Redding "These Arms of Mine" and "Pain in my Heart" and finally that damn Eric Carmen song "All by Myself." Why have I not deleted this song already?! This is a lonely existence, the solo journey. I always thought I needed to be somewhere and be someONE before I could marry someone. I have goals and visions of where my life is supposed to be but as the years pass and the goals aren't realized when do I create a life that is fulfilling. Maybe someone in my life would inspire me to achieve these goals. I don't know. I woke up this morning and knew I had to blog this but now that I have it's all the more depressing. Not really an upbeat Labor Day weekend message. So let me see if I can tie it up all together here at the end.
Labor Day was established for workers in 1882 and became a federal holiday in 1894. We celebrate it as the end of Summer. Marriage is work. It's a beautiful union between two people who have to work to sustain it. It makes the journey of life a little less lonesome and maybe even helps them become better individuals in the process. While summer ends and fall and winter begins the holidays approach. Nothing sucks more than being single for the holidays. Yeah how is that for an upbeat send off?
I've always thought marriage was an institution I couldn't get behind. The big charade with photos. It seemed like a way to gather people you see once in five, ten, fifteen years to celebrate a union that the state now says is official. As if your love for that person wasn't real enough until you put on the show. I've seen the shows and I've watched them not work out for people close to me, so I wondered what the big deal was all about. I honestly felt that it was not for me. That I would never marry, and possibly never find that woman to marry. The idea that marriage is any harder than it was 30, 40, or 50 years ago is an excuse I give myself to support this reasoning.
I've heard the stories of friends who were or are married and they didn't sound promising. Many of them bitched and moaned about there situations and how they wish they could still be single. I took that to heart as a first hand account of marriage. The older I get though I realize I didn't make these observations myself. They were second hand stories from people who may not even have felt the way they expressed. They had their "big show" and their own first hand accounts of what went wrong. Or maybe it's human nature to hold on to our independant spirit even after we are joined in matrimony. Maybe that wishful thinking is that voice being heard.
I never understood why so many women clamored for their wedding days. To me it just seemed like it was an opportunity for them to get dressed up in a fancy gown and be the center of attention for a day. That was my cynical belief on their desires. Then I realized that the true desire is hope. Weddings are the last truly hopeful event for many people to attend to. It's an optimistic event filled with promise that inspires people. Maybe this will last. Maybe they will live happily ever after. The wedding is a public viewing of their commitment to each other. I get that. Even if I believe that people jump too soon, or wrongfully, into marriages who am I to pass judgement. I open up more to a blog in internet land then I did to a woman who I was with for a year and a half of my life. My walls to protect myself were so thick that when it all ended I didn't even realize that it had been like this for months.
I sat last night in my hot tub. The tiki torches were waving in the breeze. The gorgeous stars were above me. I had a very tasty cold Corona in my hand. My lap top was sitting nearby playing music from my Itunes. First it was some up beat Michael Jackson "Rock with You" but then it drifted to some Otis Redding "These Arms of Mine" and "Pain in my Heart" and finally that damn Eric Carmen song "All by Myself." Why have I not deleted this song already?! This is a lonely existence, the solo journey. I always thought I needed to be somewhere and be someONE before I could marry someone. I have goals and visions of where my life is supposed to be but as the years pass and the goals aren't realized when do I create a life that is fulfilling. Maybe someone in my life would inspire me to achieve these goals. I don't know. I woke up this morning and knew I had to blog this but now that I have it's all the more depressing. Not really an upbeat Labor Day weekend message. So let me see if I can tie it up all together here at the end.
Labor Day was established for workers in 1882 and became a federal holiday in 1894. We celebrate it as the end of Summer. Marriage is work. It's a beautiful union between two people who have to work to sustain it. It makes the journey of life a little less lonesome and maybe even helps them become better individuals in the process. While summer ends and fall and winter begins the holidays approach. Nothing sucks more than being single for the holidays. Yeah how is that for an upbeat send off?
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Et tu..you Irish blarney punks? Part 2
Alright here is the fire and brimstone conclusion. I'm getting the gang together with Bill "The Butcher" Cutting and we are gonna throw down with those potato eaters! Throw me..ME.. out of the club? Unacceptable. It's on. I'm gonna take your Lucky Charms and I'm flushing them down into the sewers you little annoying Leprechaun. Take your imaginary pot of gold with you too. It's like the lottery. I always see the rainbow but I've never seen that shining pot of gold. I have driven miles chasing you and I have determined that I have a better shot winning Powerball twice than I do of finding that damn gold. Speaking of gold I'm also bringing Al Swearengen (for you Deadwood fans) to my battle royal on Riverside. We will even get that kid playing that flute (bagpipes?) or whatever the hell they were playing in that fight scene in Gangs of New York. You can have Leo. That doesn't help you. I'm bringing Randy "Macho Man" Savage. Wrath.
As I'm assembling the gang for our showdown my mind drifts to the WWF (now I guess it's WWE). My favorite wrestlers were obviously Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant, but I was also a huge Ultimate Warrior, "Ravishing" Rick Rude, and "Mr. Perfect" fan. It's sad that a lot of these guys that I followed died of drug use. In the movie The Wrestler you can see why. These guys abused their bodies so much to please the crowds and sell the moves that they needed to dose up just to survive the aches and pains. It was medicinal and recreational I'm sure. After the rush of being in the ring before 30,000 people a night I imagine that it would be difficult to unwind at the end of the show, and also being alone and so far from family as they travel from show to show. What's appalling is that these guys don't get medical coverage. As much money as Vince McMahon has made he employs these guys as independent contractors. They have no insurance outside of the ring coverage for "work-related" injuries. The same thing is also going on in the UFC with Dana White. Another cocky bastard that has made millions on the backs of his star athletes. Once they are no longer usable they are discarded. We just remember them in hindsight: Ken Shamrock, Dan Severn, Kimo, Royce, Tito and pretty soon The Iceman. Just like we look back at Junkyard Dog, Ricky the Dragon Steamboat, and Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Greed.
My gang is now walking down E. Main. There are torches with us and that kid playing the pipes. We grip our weapons of choice and I realize now that we live in a culture now that doesn't allow for idol worship. We tear them down before they ever get there. We want "real" people on television. When they do attain idol status and falter we jump on them like a pack of wolves. No wonder some seem so camera shy. Are those cameras that TMZ films with or weapons? Sure, make better decisions, don't screw up and we won't get the story you can say. But, how many of us live with clean life resumes? Our lives are littered with mistakes and embarrassments that only a few or no one knows of. The price you pay for stardom and fame is envy. And envy is one hell of a powerful weapon. How would you like that one mistake to follow you the rest of your life? Look at Hugh Grant. Just google him and the first page you get has Divine Brown. Really? One mistake 15 years ago and guess what, it doesn't disappear. Let's be honest how many of us are rooting against Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton? Envy.
The music intensifies as we pick up our pace. I think of my relationships and my desires. What was real and what wasn't. Was I longing for someone else when I should have been loving someone else? In today's society is it even possible to be married 30, 40, or 50 years? When so many people can get out after 1 or 2 so easily? Why commit to fix a problem when there are so many temptations out there that can distract us from it? When we believe someone online, hidden thousands of miles away truly knows us, does it just mean they just listen? When television tells us this is love and it happens in 30 days and we fall for it? Because they have a beautiful body, smile, a rose, and a television host? Lust.
We walk past people now assembling outside of their houses. Word has gotten out that we were heading for a throw down. Families standing in their front yards watching us march to battle. I think about the world we live in. The food we consume and the mass quantities. We are over-indulged. While countries starve we super size. I am as guilty of this as the next person. I take the easy road and I am lazy. When I do cook I use way too much and throw away too much. I rarely save left overs. When I am out of food at the house instead of making the smart decision to stock up on things I buy for the now. I feel the weight of my unhealthy eating habits as my stomach turns as we press on. Gluttony.
I am writer who talks a big game. My next novel, screenplay, blah blah blah, etc etc. I will wake up at 6am and write every morning. I will finish this in 6 months, 1 year, etc. But I use my mind to surf TMZ and watch The Bachelor or Dancing with The Stars. I have a house full of incredible novels that I do not read. My mind turns to mush and I'm force fed my cravings and desires by the mass market media machine of Madison Avenue. Tell me what I want? Tell me who I am? When I don't get the desired response, I just flip the channel. Sloth.
We are here. My men are lined up. The leprechaun bastards are lined up as well. We stare each other down. I realize now how foolish I am. This is going on because they kicked me out of the bar? I was so proud that I couldn't realize I probably was way too drunk and they should have cut me off to begin with. Instead of rationalizing I got in defense mode. And now we are about to throw down and who knows if we are walking out of here alive. How did this get so out of hand? I want to stop but Bill "The Butcher" and Al Swearengen are gung ho for a fight. They charge and all hell has broken loose. Randy "Macho Man" Savage is now jumping off a car with his trademark elbow drop. I stand still as this all takes place around me. Everything slows down and I realize that my weapons are already inside of me. The only person they are attacking is myself, I am the one at battle and I am losing. Pride.
As I'm assembling the gang for our showdown my mind drifts to the WWF (now I guess it's WWE). My favorite wrestlers were obviously Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant, but I was also a huge Ultimate Warrior, "Ravishing" Rick Rude, and "Mr. Perfect" fan. It's sad that a lot of these guys that I followed died of drug use. In the movie The Wrestler you can see why. These guys abused their bodies so much to please the crowds and sell the moves that they needed to dose up just to survive the aches and pains. It was medicinal and recreational I'm sure. After the rush of being in the ring before 30,000 people a night I imagine that it would be difficult to unwind at the end of the show, and also being alone and so far from family as they travel from show to show. What's appalling is that these guys don't get medical coverage. As much money as Vince McMahon has made he employs these guys as independent contractors. They have no insurance outside of the ring coverage for "work-related" injuries. The same thing is also going on in the UFC with Dana White. Another cocky bastard that has made millions on the backs of his star athletes. Once they are no longer usable they are discarded. We just remember them in hindsight: Ken Shamrock, Dan Severn, Kimo, Royce, Tito and pretty soon The Iceman. Just like we look back at Junkyard Dog, Ricky the Dragon Steamboat, and Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Greed.
My gang is now walking down E. Main. There are torches with us and that kid playing the pipes. We grip our weapons of choice and I realize now that we live in a culture now that doesn't allow for idol worship. We tear them down before they ever get there. We want "real" people on television. When they do attain idol status and falter we jump on them like a pack of wolves. No wonder some seem so camera shy. Are those cameras that TMZ films with or weapons? Sure, make better decisions, don't screw up and we won't get the story you can say. But, how many of us live with clean life resumes? Our lives are littered with mistakes and embarrassments that only a few or no one knows of. The price you pay for stardom and fame is envy. And envy is one hell of a powerful weapon. How would you like that one mistake to follow you the rest of your life? Look at Hugh Grant. Just google him and the first page you get has Divine Brown. Really? One mistake 15 years ago and guess what, it doesn't disappear. Let's be honest how many of us are rooting against Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton? Envy.
The music intensifies as we pick up our pace. I think of my relationships and my desires. What was real and what wasn't. Was I longing for someone else when I should have been loving someone else? In today's society is it even possible to be married 30, 40, or 50 years? When so many people can get out after 1 or 2 so easily? Why commit to fix a problem when there are so many temptations out there that can distract us from it? When we believe someone online, hidden thousands of miles away truly knows us, does it just mean they just listen? When television tells us this is love and it happens in 30 days and we fall for it? Because they have a beautiful body, smile, a rose, and a television host? Lust.
We walk past people now assembling outside of their houses. Word has gotten out that we were heading for a throw down. Families standing in their front yards watching us march to battle. I think about the world we live in. The food we consume and the mass quantities. We are over-indulged. While countries starve we super size. I am as guilty of this as the next person. I take the easy road and I am lazy. When I do cook I use way too much and throw away too much. I rarely save left overs. When I am out of food at the house instead of making the smart decision to stock up on things I buy for the now. I feel the weight of my unhealthy eating habits as my stomach turns as we press on. Gluttony.
I am writer who talks a big game. My next novel, screenplay, blah blah blah, etc etc. I will wake up at 6am and write every morning. I will finish this in 6 months, 1 year, etc. But I use my mind to surf TMZ and watch The Bachelor or Dancing with The Stars. I have a house full of incredible novels that I do not read. My mind turns to mush and I'm force fed my cravings and desires by the mass market media machine of Madison Avenue. Tell me what I want? Tell me who I am? When I don't get the desired response, I just flip the channel. Sloth.
We are here. My men are lined up. The leprechaun bastards are lined up as well. We stare each other down. I realize now how foolish I am. This is going on because they kicked me out of the bar? I was so proud that I couldn't realize I probably was way too drunk and they should have cut me off to begin with. Instead of rationalizing I got in defense mode. And now we are about to throw down and who knows if we are walking out of here alive. How did this get so out of hand? I want to stop but Bill "The Butcher" and Al Swearengen are gung ho for a fight. They charge and all hell has broken loose. Randy "Macho Man" Savage is now jumping off a car with his trademark elbow drop. I stand still as this all takes place around me. Everything slows down and I realize that my weapons are already inside of me. The only person they are attacking is myself, I am the one at battle and I am losing. Pride.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Et tu Shen*****? Et tu?
So life springs anew on Blogspot. Thank you for the resuscitation. I really like to write and I'm glad a few people read this and well I'll keep 'er going.
It's amazing how when we are upset we will find the resolve to push on. I've been upset a lot lately. Last night it was for some heavy handed treatment at a local watering hole. I can name names and bitch and moan but that doesn't solve anything. Truthfully it just plugs them and makes me look like a childish lush so we'll skip that detour. But I did walk home from downtown last night and stayed up surfing the Better Business Bureau website to file a complaint. It will float out in anonymous cyberspace and probably have the effect on that place like I was fighting Machette with a large feather. It's fine, the principle of it matters I guess. Speaking of Machette I saw the trailer on youtube it looks pretty bad ass, let me know if you've seen it.
I can't take things so personal. This must be a trait of my Pisces, but it seems I can be an emotional Space Mountain. One second I'm on a euphoric high singing Daydream Believer stone cold sober but wired on Diet Rockstar and the next I am storming off the main strip of downtown Medford on a 2 am walk home. All within a few days time, and I'm all over the place. I don't know if it's the recent events (and by recent I'm talking last two months) or if it's just the way I've always been and I'm now noticing it. I'm up, I'm down, making videos of success and sabotaging my psyche two days later. I want positive thoughts to fill my head and push me forward but then reality seeps in and I realize I'm not a positive guy. I have my moments but the music I truly love, the movies I love are dark. Maybe this is my inability to escape the winters of Seattle in my head or maybe I was just born this way. This could be single child syndrome. I mean, even though I have a wonderful sister, she was 8 years older than me and I grew up pretty much alone. Both of my parents worked full-time jobs when I was growing up so my babysitter after school was my television. Maybe this is where I developed my writing talent, in my isolation. I made up friends because I didn't have many of them, and I always envied my friends that had brothers and sisters their same age. Like a built in best friend/rival I'm sure.
Ok enough Blogspot therapy! Ha, please feel free to bill me! Anyways back to other things. So yeah I got kicked out of a bar last night when out with friends for some ridiculous reason and huffed and puffed all the way home. It's not the first time I've ever been kicked out of an establishment but the last time was over five years ago when I was up in Seattle. Me and my friends were at a bar called Cowgirls Inc. It is one of those places where the girls get on the bars and dance, sing, and get majorly aggressive with all the drunk male and female patrons. Well one of these bartenders/dancers served my buddy this shot of some white liquor. I think it must have had kahlua or maybe she was lactating, anyways my friend didn't want the shot. He wouldn't take it and she "claimed" he ordered it. He didn't. She was just hot and thought my friend was drunk enough and they were pushing drinks. Well we all got kicked out. She essentially called over the bouncer and said we were not paying for our drinks and they kicked us all out. Outside we argued with the bouncer for ten minutes in vain. Who ever wins an argument with a bouncer. I mean, first off, most of them have a dialogue that consists of ten words. They look as though they are thinking about food the entire time you are arguing. I shouldn't argue with them anymore I'm just going to carry protein bars now with me to clubs. If I get kicked out I'm just gonna pull out the Tiger Milk bar and say "hey bud, wanna let me back in?" And his eyes are gonna widen "uh Proteeen?..good, me like, go back in, me sorry!"
I vowed to never go again to Cowgirls and I never did while I lived in Seattle. Now a new establishment has been blacklisted. It's unfortunate because a big event is approaching at this place Wednesday night and I wanted to attend for a friend but that is now out. I guess that is selfish of me. If I were a good friend I would go regardless, but I'm stubborn and I don't want to support a bar that treats their clientele so poorly. Maybe I need some feedback on this. Yes, actual participation to my blog. You read?? So you say?? Well I want proof. Respond to my two questions..How is the movie Machette? Anyone seen it. Also is it selfish to not support a friend because you hate the bar that friend is performing in?? Alright, I guess I will see who REALLY reads and who just talks about it now, huh? As for me, I gotta go walk back downtown and pick up my car. No huffing and puffing this time.
It's amazing how when we are upset we will find the resolve to push on. I've been upset a lot lately. Last night it was for some heavy handed treatment at a local watering hole. I can name names and bitch and moan but that doesn't solve anything. Truthfully it just plugs them and makes me look like a childish lush so we'll skip that detour. But I did walk home from downtown last night and stayed up surfing the Better Business Bureau website to file a complaint. It will float out in anonymous cyberspace and probably have the effect on that place like I was fighting Machette with a large feather. It's fine, the principle of it matters I guess. Speaking of Machette I saw the trailer on youtube it looks pretty bad ass, let me know if you've seen it.
I can't take things so personal. This must be a trait of my Pisces, but it seems I can be an emotional Space Mountain. One second I'm on a euphoric high singing Daydream Believer stone cold sober but wired on Diet Rockstar and the next I am storming off the main strip of downtown Medford on a 2 am walk home. All within a few days time, and I'm all over the place. I don't know if it's the recent events (and by recent I'm talking last two months) or if it's just the way I've always been and I'm now noticing it. I'm up, I'm down, making videos of success and sabotaging my psyche two days later. I want positive thoughts to fill my head and push me forward but then reality seeps in and I realize I'm not a positive guy. I have my moments but the music I truly love, the movies I love are dark. Maybe this is my inability to escape the winters of Seattle in my head or maybe I was just born this way. This could be single child syndrome. I mean, even though I have a wonderful sister, she was 8 years older than me and I grew up pretty much alone. Both of my parents worked full-time jobs when I was growing up so my babysitter after school was my television. Maybe this is where I developed my writing talent, in my isolation. I made up friends because I didn't have many of them, and I always envied my friends that had brothers and sisters their same age. Like a built in best friend/rival I'm sure.
Ok enough Blogspot therapy! Ha, please feel free to bill me! Anyways back to other things. So yeah I got kicked out of a bar last night when out with friends for some ridiculous reason and huffed and puffed all the way home. It's not the first time I've ever been kicked out of an establishment but the last time was over five years ago when I was up in Seattle. Me and my friends were at a bar called Cowgirls Inc. It is one of those places where the girls get on the bars and dance, sing, and get majorly aggressive with all the drunk male and female patrons. Well one of these bartenders/dancers served my buddy this shot of some white liquor. I think it must have had kahlua or maybe she was lactating, anyways my friend didn't want the shot. He wouldn't take it and she "claimed" he ordered it. He didn't. She was just hot and thought my friend was drunk enough and they were pushing drinks. Well we all got kicked out. She essentially called over the bouncer and said we were not paying for our drinks and they kicked us all out. Outside we argued with the bouncer for ten minutes in vain. Who ever wins an argument with a bouncer. I mean, first off, most of them have a dialogue that consists of ten words. They look as though they are thinking about food the entire time you are arguing. I shouldn't argue with them anymore I'm just going to carry protein bars now with me to clubs. If I get kicked out I'm just gonna pull out the Tiger Milk bar and say "hey bud, wanna let me back in?" And his eyes are gonna widen "uh Proteeen?..good, me like, go back in, me sorry!"
I vowed to never go again to Cowgirls and I never did while I lived in Seattle. Now a new establishment has been blacklisted. It's unfortunate because a big event is approaching at this place Wednesday night and I wanted to attend for a friend but that is now out. I guess that is selfish of me. If I were a good friend I would go regardless, but I'm stubborn and I don't want to support a bar that treats their clientele so poorly. Maybe I need some feedback on this. Yes, actual participation to my blog. You read?? So you say?? Well I want proof. Respond to my two questions..How is the movie Machette? Anyone seen it. Also is it selfish to not support a friend because you hate the bar that friend is performing in?? Alright, I guess I will see who REALLY reads and who just talks about it now, huh? As for me, I gotta go walk back downtown and pick up my car. No huffing and puffing this time.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
It's time to say goodbye....
Ok...that's all folks. I'm officially retiring the blog. It just feels like I'm writing to a black void. People may read it but no one responds, or even "likes" status it. So it feels like I'm writing to myself and I can do that in a mead notebook. I think I need to re-evaluate my life and the quality of people I allow in it. I'm going on a permanent hiatus. If you want to reach me it won't be through this channel. Thanks for listening.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
First days.. or hey everyone this is the new guy
I get the good fortune to have two first days. How lucky am I? I know, huh? Jealous? Today I worked at a different branch then the one I was hired for so I got to meet the crew and be the newbie there all day today. Tomorrow I get to reenact the whole performance again for my real branch. Yes! Luckily it was busy at my fake new branch so that I wasn't getting the new guy treatment. No one stole my lunch or pulled the chair out from under me. I made it through the whole day without getting pantsed in the lobby so I'm off to a good start.
I'm kidding of course. New days at the office aren't like new days of school and boy how I dreaded those early on in junior high and freshman year of high school. Those new days can be forgotten, but they won't be. They will live on in infamy and vhs recordings. i tried to buy all the copies but I couldn't muster the cash flow. I just have to hope that when I'm famous no one will want to see a 15 year old thrown in a dumpster or pantsed in the gymnasium. Haha, who am I kidding. I want to see that! If only that had truly happened. What a great sympathy blog I could write. Nope, nope, it never occurred. Really. My therapist says so.
I am happy I got the practise round done. Tomorrow it's for real! Seems pretty easy though. It's not as though I'm learning how to perform surgery. It's the same stuff I've done for like almost half my life. Crazy to think I started banking at 19, and weird enough that the branch I started at today was the same branch I was at the beginning of my illustrious banking career. It's called full circle. You spin your wheels 360 degrees and end up back where you started 14 years later. Yep, the branch didn't change at all in 14 years. It was completely identical. I think I even found the spot where I carved my initials into the desk, and that chair I used to lay on in those lazy afternoons of my youth.
I think first days usually are about trying to blend in. I like smooth transitions. It's not like I play entrance music and walk into my new jobs with a manager, but how cool would that be? You walk into your new job and the lights go off and one of those shiny disco balls pops down and lights up the room in black lighting. The music starts blaring. In this case with the disco ball and it being the first day of September, it's gotta be Earth, Wind and Fire baby. I would wear a large white robe and sunglasses. Hey I'm the new guy. Now that would be a cool entrance, and probably my last at that job.
I think that was my problem as a freshman in high school maybe. I didn't realize that the white robe and 70's disco music would not win the ladies. I was both way ahead of my time and twenty years frozen in it.
I do remember that when I was in third grade I thought I was the man. I actually wore a Micheal Jackson red leather zipper jacket, the sparkling silver glove, the black pants and even, I swear to God, even the silver sparkling socks. I wore this decked out in class like I was walking into Studio 54 and hanging with Andy Warhol and Brooke Shields. The girls loved me. How is this possible? Third grade girls loved me and thought I couldn't have been cooler. I remember going to this roller skating birthday party for this girl and how all of her friends kept trying to get me to skate with her. I was just too cool. I just was there to make an appearance. She cried on her birthday and 4th grade was my comeuppance karma. New school and not quite the same affection for my eccentric clothing. I guess Boy George wasn't the best first day outfit.
So in honor of first days everywhere I just want to thank whoever made it possible for me to have two in one week and I hope my real branch likes Earth, Wind, and Fire because it's September and you're a shining star no matter who you are!!
I'm kidding of course. New days at the office aren't like new days of school and boy how I dreaded those early on in junior high and freshman year of high school. Those new days can be forgotten, but they won't be. They will live on in infamy and vhs recordings. i tried to buy all the copies but I couldn't muster the cash flow. I just have to hope that when I'm famous no one will want to see a 15 year old thrown in a dumpster or pantsed in the gymnasium. Haha, who am I kidding. I want to see that! If only that had truly happened. What a great sympathy blog I could write. Nope, nope, it never occurred. Really. My therapist says so.
I am happy I got the practise round done. Tomorrow it's for real! Seems pretty easy though. It's not as though I'm learning how to perform surgery. It's the same stuff I've done for like almost half my life. Crazy to think I started banking at 19, and weird enough that the branch I started at today was the same branch I was at the beginning of my illustrious banking career. It's called full circle. You spin your wheels 360 degrees and end up back where you started 14 years later. Yep, the branch didn't change at all in 14 years. It was completely identical. I think I even found the spot where I carved my initials into the desk, and that chair I used to lay on in those lazy afternoons of my youth.
I think first days usually are about trying to blend in. I like smooth transitions. It's not like I play entrance music and walk into my new jobs with a manager, but how cool would that be? You walk into your new job and the lights go off and one of those shiny disco balls pops down and lights up the room in black lighting. The music starts blaring. In this case with the disco ball and it being the first day of September, it's gotta be Earth, Wind and Fire baby. I would wear a large white robe and sunglasses. Hey I'm the new guy. Now that would be a cool entrance, and probably my last at that job.
I think that was my problem as a freshman in high school maybe. I didn't realize that the white robe and 70's disco music would not win the ladies. I was both way ahead of my time and twenty years frozen in it.
I do remember that when I was in third grade I thought I was the man. I actually wore a Micheal Jackson red leather zipper jacket, the sparkling silver glove, the black pants and even, I swear to God, even the silver sparkling socks. I wore this decked out in class like I was walking into Studio 54 and hanging with Andy Warhol and Brooke Shields. The girls loved me. How is this possible? Third grade girls loved me and thought I couldn't have been cooler. I remember going to this roller skating birthday party for this girl and how all of her friends kept trying to get me to skate with her. I was just too cool. I just was there to make an appearance. She cried on her birthday and 4th grade was my comeuppance karma. New school and not quite the same affection for my eccentric clothing. I guess Boy George wasn't the best first day outfit.
So in honor of first days everywhere I just want to thank whoever made it possible for me to have two in one week and I hope my real branch likes Earth, Wind, and Fire because it's September and you're a shining star no matter who you are!!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
That Vision (Board) thing....
Four years ago I read the book "The Secret". I liked the idea of it and agreed that positive thoughts do lead to better things happening in our lives. I saw the video in 2007. While some of the speakers were kinda hokey I found that it was pretty inspiring to think of how we can attract positive things into our lives just by focusing on them. Some people disclaimed the movie and book as wishful thinking. It didn't really explain how you were going to achieve all these things you wished for/thought of, so many people felt that is catered to the dreamers and people who weren't realistic about life.
I allowed myself to buy into the concept and in 2007 I made a Youtube video with all of my goals as if they had already happened. I showed my dream house in Maui, my yacht, and all of the places I wanted to travel to. A few of the destinations in my video were: Spain, Italy and Havasupai Falls in Arizona. I didn't realize this until I made another video a few days ago set to music of all the places I visited in 2010. It was set to the same music. I showed my friend Whitney online and she remembered my old video. The one I made in '07 was just a "Vision Board", a visual wish list. The one I made three days ago was real. The places I visited were almost identical. I only wish I still had that original video so that I could show and compare them.
Here is the link to the 2010 video I made three days ago:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l15_Z56QTxk
Needless to say, this inspired me. Was it possible that my mind already believed that I was going there so it happened? Could the "law of attraction" that was described in "The Secret" be real?
Yesterday I decided to make a new vision board. This is where my life is going. This is the plan and it looks pretty real to me. I know I'm capable of this and this is the kind of life I want to live, so check it out. Interesting side note...after I finished making this video I went out to get my mail for the first time in a few days. I had a check for $500 in my mailbox. I couldn't even make this stuff up. Enjoy the video....
I allowed myself to buy into the concept and in 2007 I made a Youtube video with all of my goals as if they had already happened. I showed my dream house in Maui, my yacht, and all of the places I wanted to travel to. A few of the destinations in my video were: Spain, Italy and Havasupai Falls in Arizona. I didn't realize this until I made another video a few days ago set to music of all the places I visited in 2010. It was set to the same music. I showed my friend Whitney online and she remembered my old video. The one I made in '07 was just a "Vision Board", a visual wish list. The one I made three days ago was real. The places I visited were almost identical. I only wish I still had that original video so that I could show and compare them.
Here is the link to the 2010 video I made three days ago:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l15_Z56QTxk
Needless to say, this inspired me. Was it possible that my mind already believed that I was going there so it happened? Could the "law of attraction" that was described in "The Secret" be real?
Yesterday I decided to make a new vision board. This is where my life is going. This is the plan and it looks pretty real to me. I know I'm capable of this and this is the kind of life I want to live, so check it out. Interesting side note...after I finished making this video I went out to get my mail for the first time in a few days. I had a check for $500 in my mailbox. I couldn't even make this stuff up. Enjoy the video....
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