Happy Thanksgiving

Tomorrow, if you are lucky, you will be sitting across from people you care about eating turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, yams, and whatever else your family or friends traditionally cook on this day. My family cooks German sausage along with the traditional fare; we have a chocolate turkey for desert. Of course that is along with a ton of pumpkin pie.


I’ve celebrated with family and friends on this day all over the west coast. When I lived in Seattle and was unable to make it down south for Thanksgiving I celebrated it at friend’s houses. One friend smoked a turkey and failed to start it until the middle of the day. It wasn’t finished until 10 pm. We ate everything but turkey and finally got to the turkey as a late night snack. I’ve experienced a vegetarian Thanksgiving with cousins, and even had one or two turkey TV dinners in my time. I think it was the Hungry Man dinner with corn and potatoes when neither family nor friends were an option. Those by far were my least favorite ones, although I did usually talk to family and experienced their gathering if only through the phone.

I am appreciative of the ability to be down home this Thanksgiving and seeing family face to face. Obviously I think about our soldiers overseas, not just Iraq, Kuwait, or Afghanistan, but South Korea and parts of Europe and their sacrifices. It’s not the Mondays or Wednesdays that are the hardest to be overseas and away from family, it is the Thanksgivings and the Christmas’s. Being away from family on those days is definitely a lot more difficult. I know that doesn’t always seem the case if you are chatting up your crazy uncle or nutty brother or sister-in-law but that is the truth. You get them for a couple of days a year and most of us can handle one or two days of it, and may even look forward to the bizarre exchanges.

Four hundred years ago 50 Pilgrims sat across from 90 Wampanoag Indians and ate venison and water fowl. The Pilgrims were celebrating a bountiful harvest and showing off their gun power. The Indians were interested in the new visitors and obviously not aware of the waves that would follow to one day build factories and shopping centers where everyone could buy a frozen Hungry Man dinner and a flat screen television to watch a parade and football.

We may not be experiencing our most ideal Thanksgiving tomorrow. Maybe we’ve been unemployed in forever. Maybe we lost someone close to us recently. Maybe we are undecided of where life is taking us. And maybe we are sitting in room with complete strangers. Thanksgiving though is more than the food and present company; it is memories of our past and promise of our future. Its tradition and tradition lasts.

We can build new memories and appreciate less than glorious moment’s years later with a fresh perspective. We can give thanks to another day on this planet and give thanks for another day to remember and another day to plan. If we had a bountiful harvest we can appreciate and give gratitude for that. If we did not, well we can give thanks that we have the opportunity to sow the garden and fields again next year and plants crops again. Many people in other countries don’t have the vast resources that we do, the opportunities we do, the fortunes we do. Thanksgiving is above all else appreciation for life, however you got to this great land..whether by ship, by stork, or by God. Eat whatever you like, just please no stuffed stork.

What's truth

I was watching The Last Samurai the other night and was caught up in the words and symbolism of the film. I've seen it a couple of times before and the idea of Tom Cruise as a Samurai is pretty ridiculous if you don't allow yourself to get caught up in the charade. I got caught up into it. There were a few scenes and lines that stick out with me. The one line in particular is when the Samurai chief Katsumoto asks Cruise if man can change his destiny. Cruise says, "I think a man does what he can, until his destiny is revealed." Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. Learn and you will grow.

We don't live in a very honest time anymore. Words are merely that, sometimes I wonder if it is all fiction. We tend to do what feels good at the moment with no consequences or recourse and worry about hurt feelings later. Only if we are caught. It's not quite an honor system. I think if we went by the honor code in school we would all give ourselves A's. We "tried" hard. That should count, right? We gave it "effort." So for our effort we should be rewarded even though we didn't get the results. That's our instant gratification world we live in. We want the fame, the wealth, the love, and we want it in the past tense because it should be happening..now!

What is truth? Is it what we decide it is at the moment? Is it what feels good to us today? Does it change to our ever changing moods and whims? Can we go back and say we "tried" therefore we accomplished? Maybe schooling nowadays teaching us that it's only effort that counts anymore. That if we try and fail we are still winners. No we are not. Let's be honest. We are failures. If you don't succeed try again. Sure, but try better. Change what you are doing. Don't do the same thing and then be surprised when it doesn't work. We either adapt and move on or we are toast. There is no award for repeated failure. No matter what they try to sell us.

Maybe people just need constant ego stroking. Maybe people can't handle the effort of making something real so they build up all these so-called "walls" that only the things they want to hear goes through. I am not sure. I know that where we are today as a country and as a society is due to immediate gratification. Maybe it's televisions fault, the Internet, our teaching system, or ourselves for blaming anything other than our own efforts. We look for excuses instead of accepting responsibility. We are all culpable.

I don't begrudge people falling out of love and moving on with their lives. I do begrudge lies. Nobody wants to feel guilty though. They want to continue the mirage that it was not their fault. They want a clean conscience to wake up to. It's fine, accept when you are wrong, admit it, be honest, then it's clean. Or carry that guilt with you like backpack full of bricks. One lie begets another, and then another. Pretty soon you are writing fiction novels. Don't worry baby, yours won't outsell mine.

Chasing a sunset

A sheen of gray fog coats the sky today. The orange and yellow leaves drooping off the tree limbs, about to take their descent to the damp and cold floor below. It's as if they are suffering a hangover from the way the sun shone down upon them yesterday and the way they gleaned in the light, their colors radiating in a lush fall day that Charlie Brown comic strips were made of.

It started as a lot of mornings have lately. I woke up dejected. Once again unsure of what the day had in store for me but upset that I had failed to get out of town the day prior. I had to meet with some classmates on a group project, so I was stuck in town. The drive to Ashland though told me today would be different. The colors too vibrant and sprinkled and even my perpetual melancholy was not strong enough to withstand the force of it.

When I made the walk through campus and felt the air hit my lungs I started to get that drive I have been missing. As if my engine has been running in second gear and I finally shifted into third. The group was waiting in the library and I knew that the project is going to fall into my lap. My two group mates are Japanese exchange students and my other group partner has been a group no-show. I sat with my two project mates realizing that if I don't lead then we are going to be cast into driftlessness. My next two days, today included, will be researching business forecasts and projections. I'll be building a model for a successful business and running cost analysis. If there could be a drearier way to spend a weekend, I could not imagine it. After leaving our meeting with renewed and well-acted vigor I decided upon a car ride. Sure, I would have to get cracking on this fun business project but today the sun would not let me.

My first destination turned out to be the animal shelter. It was on the way from Ashland and when I saw no cars of volunteers and the sun's glow too enticing I pulled in. There was no reason that a shelter dog shouldn't be able to enjoy in a day like today, it was made for football and dogs playing catch. An hour and four dogs out of the kennels later I left the scene. I get more walking the dogs then they do. Seeing their joy in playing ball or rolling around on the grass instills it in me. Simplicity. Enjoy the simple things. Don't focus on what isn't, focus on how happy you are about what is. Sure, it is difficult seeing the sad dogs and the dogs that have been there too long, but if my fifteen minutes of attention to them in the yard keeps them from going cage crazy for another few days then I feel like I've done a good deed. Someone will come along and do the real work of rescuing and adopting them.

Seeing that unencumbered joy that those dogs felt from being in their cage made me realize I had to get out of my own. I had to see the sun set on the ocean. I hadn't been to the coast in months. There is something about the ocean that awakens me and settles me. I think I've put many symbolic images in my head from my visits to the beach and the ocean. I can remember growing up as a child and visiting the California coast. My family would take trips to Morro Bay and Pismo Beach. The house we rented in Morro Bay was a tiny little yellow house with no television. I read old Archie comic books from the 50's and 60's that were in the children's bedroom. We went deep sea fishing and would float in the fog soup into what felt like the middle of the ocean on a small fishing vessel catching bug-eyed red snappers and halibut.

Years later there would be the Oregon coast and the rocky shores and green soaring redwoods. I thought the central California coast was pretty but it has absolutely nothing on the beauty of the Oregon coastline. On a bright sunny day the water looks like diamonds. The views so beautiful that you wish it would never end. You can take the photographs and even the smiles of those in them, but time does diminish the feelings. When you revisit those places it has both a calming effect and a hollowing one. The moment is there, the beauty, the balance, but life changes us and the ocean stays the same.

I chased a sunset yesterday. I drove for two plus hours in my car in a pursuit of a feeling. My journey was my destination. When I got there the sun has sunk below the sea. Yet what remained was just as breathtaking. The sky was a colorful painting of the bottom half of a rainbow. It was traces of a gorgeous sunset that might have been but wasn't seen. It was memories. The waves crashed and the sky grew darker. The traces of yellow light fading further and further away. Washed away by the ocean of the night.

Adios Facebookers

I'm leaving the playground. I appreciate keeping up with friends and family but that is what email is for. My narcissistic cravings will have to be fulfilled somewhere else, I'm getting off the Facebook juice. I appreciate those of you who have read and commented on my blog. I'm still going to keep writing, but maybe not so much on my blog. I'm writing a novel of short stories and I will keep in touch with those friends and family that want to reach me. My email will be at the bottom of this blog.

I'm proud of a few things. I'm proud of growth. I'm changing some aspects of my life, and that is positive. I'm making better decisions and only letting in the positive. Life is too short to surround ourselves with bad karma. I feel like I've been a good person in my life. I may not have always made the best decisions but I never intentionally hurt anyone and always tried to be supportive of people. I know that I have probably made judgements on people. That is gonna stop. We can only keep track of ourselves, that is enough work. I think I've always been harder on myself though than anyone could have ever been on me. I'm still working on that, but we always do that to ourselves.

I feel blessed to be where I'm at in life. I know there is so much to look forward to. I know that the best is yet to come. I haven't peaked. I'm still learning and growing. I will miss the posts of wisdom that many of my friends post. So many of you all have tremendous depth, it's a shame that it gets washed away by the visual aspects of this media. I know I've written some blogs I felt were truly moving only to see no responses. That I would be upset over something so juvenile as not having a red tick on the top of my Facebook page tells me it's time to go. It's like I'm a monkey and I'm waiting for my recognition treat. I don't need that.

This place has been taking too much of my time, my focus, and it's not really filling. It's junk food. It's TMZ. It's ESPN. Sure, in small doses it's ok, but a daily dose and I have cavities in my brain. There are more important things I can do with my time. This would be studying for my degree, reading novels, writing, actually visiting with my friends and not just posting on their status. Oh I know, I will miss those elaborate posts about "what's for dinner" or "what movie you are currently watching" but I will try to survive. Maybe I will use my imagination and envision it myself. I am as guilty as anyone of posting meandering meaningless junk food on here, but I will be one less contributor. I'm going cold turkey..just in time for Thanksgiving.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, I hope all of my friends have a wonderful one. Remember to give thanks to what is truly important, our family. Sure, our friends are important, and I love my friends, but family will always be there. Friends do change and life changes. People we believe will be there forever may not feel the same. People grow apart, but family is forever. If you are strained from a relative, be the bigger person and reach out. Even if the feeling is not reciprocated, you will feel better. That's all we can do. We can improve ourselves and hope that one day that person realizes how much we care they may get to that point themselves. If they don't then we have moved on, but we made the effort. Alright enough of that, adios, arivederchi, peace, siyanora and ciao :)

A cup of joe

As I was ordering a coffee between a break in my early morning class I had a flashback to the days waiting for a coffee at a Starbucks outside of the Westlake Center branch in downtown Seattle four years ago. Those were brutally chilly gray mornings and the Americanos I ordered couldn't hit my stomach soon enough. Then I had another flashback to Redmond seven years back, and driving through a coffee stand near the branch I worked at and the coffees I used to guzzle down to put up with my Cruella DeVille replica boss and just to get the juice to walk through the branch doors. And then yet another one from the coffee shop across the street from the In-store branch inside of a Safeway I worked at in Kirkland over ten years back. Then I was driving my Nissan Pathfinder and motivating myself to walk aisles and sell banking products to people shopping for eggs and milk. Those early morning coffees were my lifeline and my main consistency over the years. It could be a different city, a different job, usually the same dread, and just about the same morning coffee.

A cup of coffee in 1950? How about 5 cents.

It's been ingrained in me, I am a coffee aficionado. It's no longer just fuel just to get going, it has replaced water in my body and blood in my veins as the body fluid of choice. For the past ten years I have drank more coffee than entire cities I'm sure. This would be cities in Arizona and the southwest, the northwest cities drink more than entire continents! I started drinking Mochas years ago and when I saw that my face looked like a I was suckling off a helium tank I switched to the bitter Americanos I still drink to this day. That switch happened in 2004. I even remember the gym I was working out at and the trainer that recommended them, so addicted to my caffeine fix, I can remember the day I switched my morning cup of joe easier than past girls I dated or even close acquaintances. Truth be told, my cup of coffee has been a better friend. It's certainly been more reliable than most, its been consistent, sometimes too bitter, sometimes too sweet, but always familiar.

The first coffee house in England was established in 1654 and is still in existence in Oxford today. The first coffee house ever recorded was in Constantinople in the Ottoman Empire in 1555. They became popular in the US in the 1960's during the folk music and beatnik crowd. Bob Dylan began his career perfoming in them. Nowadays coffee houses are corporate store fronts or drive thrus. Some are locally owned private entities but most are chains. I wonder what the folk music and beatnik writer crowd would think if they saw the transformation of the coffee house from the creative haven they shared to the corporate ballrooms they've become. To me, it's all immaterial, I go for the drink. My day is not set until I shell out 3 bucks for some grounded coffee beans and hot water. They make a solid 2.50 profit margin on my drink a day. So I'm successfully contributing to the well-oiled and caffeinated corporatized machine. I can spew my venom at whatever corporation I am working for at the time while contributing to an even larger one, gotta love it.

I've had some wonderful cups of coffee. I've drank coffee all over the world. Bad Ass coffee is located in Maui. I've had coffee on the beach watching the crashing waves. I've had coffee looking at the canals in Venice and I've had coffee in a truck stop in Turlock trying to keep my eyes open to continue my journey. Mainly however, coffee reminds me of my early mornings and the stages of my life. Where was I ten years ago? I am not sure, but if I am grabbing a morning coffee it may come back to me. If I had a nickel for every cup of coffee I've ever bought and drank I may be able to afford my next cup of coffee.

**Why is it called a cup of joe, you may ask? Well here you go:

The phrase "cup of Joe" goes back to the mid-1840s. Despite the folk etymology that the phrase derives from Josephus Daniels, the Secretary of the Navy who banned the serving of alcohol on ships in 1914, the phrase is known to predate his service.

**Now you know.

A lifetime fan basks in the moment- Giants are the Champs!

Not too much to say because it is still sinking in, but the Giants have won the World Series! The Giants have won the World Series! The Giants,... The SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS have won the World Series! A team no one expected and many gave up on (myself included in a brutal loss in the NLDS to Atlanta) came through in the end with grit, will, and incredible monumental pitching. These guys were fearless. They attacked the strike zone and faced the best of the best. They didn't back their way into it. They beat the Braves, then they smoked the favored Phillies, and finally the mighty Rangers. All went down with flailing swings, unable to lay off Big Time Timmy Jim's slider and looking overmatched against the 5'11" 170 lb Freak.

Buster Posey-2010 ROY

So in honor of the amazing Giants of 2010. I'm sending this one out to my favorite Giants of yesterday along with the World Series Champs! This one belongs to all of them!

Freddy Sanchez



Will the Thrill





Kevin Mitchell

Robby Thompson



The original Ooo-ribe..Jose

 

Juan Uribe-Jose's cousin

Dave Dravecky

Jeff Kent



The Freak, Timmy Lincecum



Rod Beck









Brian Wilson




The All-time HR leader Barry Bonds





Willie McCovey..He owns some water behind the Park

There are too many more and I can't stay up all night posting their pics. This years heroes: Aubrey Huff, Cody Ross, The MVP Edgar Renteria, Matt Cain, Mad Bum, JT Snow, John Burkett, Jason Schmidt, Big Daddy Rick Reuschel, Don Robinson, Mike Krukow, and the managers..Roger Craig, Felipe Alou, Dusty Baker, too many to name, hopefully all a part of tonight.....thanks for the memories and Congratulations!













It's phtalo blue...not falo blue..got it

I remember watching this white guy with an enormous afro painting on tv when I was a kid. He would talk very softly and danced his brush across the canvas and if almost by magic beautiful images appeared out of nowhere. I wasn't sure if he was an artist or an illusionist. He painted images of "happy little trees",clouds, and that phtalo blue sky right before our eyes. I googled falo blue for half an hour before I found the correct spelling. Turns out it is not a shade of blue but the type of oil paint he used. He created whatever he wanted to on a canvas, kind of like life. It is whatever we decide to paint that day. Either they are "happy trees", or they are not. Either we paint a bright sky or a dark and cloudy one. We are all the artists in a way, how we choose to paint the canvas is up to us.



Bob Ross with his phtalo blue.

 Instead of focusing on what isn't, time to focus on what IS. This year has been incredible. I travelled to the Grand Canyon and hiked in Havasupai Falls. I travelled to Europe and visited the Colosseum and the Eiffel Tower. I went to Spain and I visited the Mediterranean. It's tough to feel too bad for myself. My Lakers won the NBA title. The Giants are playing in the World Series. This year has been pretty magical. Sure, I lost love, but I had love to lose..not many people get that and I've lived years without love at all. These things can't be forgotten. You can't legitimately expect no hurdles in life, or in years of our lives. This year has had it's ups and downs. But it has had some amazing ups. As if riding on a roller coaster and as the ride goes higher I've had moments where I've been carried out of my seat into the sky and have looked down upon the world below me. If you would have told me that I may lose my relationship and a job in 2010 but I'd get all of these other things, I am not sure I would say no to that. I can find another job. And if something is meant to be it will work itself out, if it is not, then we move on. It's life.

Life is nothing but transitional. It's the juice that wakes us up in the morning. Yeah we can sit and fret about past decisions but those decisions make us who we are and lead us to new revelations. I'm finishing my degree at 33. Guess what? It's ok. There is not a strict timetable to life. With medicine and science we'll probably all live till we are 110, might as well not rush the thing. Things happen when they are supposed to happen. Grandma Moses started painting at age 76 and completed 1000's of painting by her death at 101. An 82-year old man just hiked Mount Kilimanjaro. Age is not a number that should restrain any goals or be measured against.

I set goals in January for 2010 and I have to say I honestly accomplished a lot of them. That I was sitting here this morning in deep melancholy feeling sorry for myself is not really fair. I should be grateful and optimistic, and set new goals. Sometimes however we achieve something it is not as fulfilling as we imagined. I'm not any better off because I mowed down a list of objectives. I didn't change who I am, but that doesn't mean we stop striving. I think the first 6 months were outer goals and the last 6 months have been a far more personal journey from within. I may not have visited as many tropical locations from June on, but I've dug into myself a heck of a lot deeper, and not always liking what has been coming out. And yet I realize I've probably gained more from that too.

Here's to anticipation..good anticipation. Not fear. Not doubt. Hope. Sometimes it is rewarded and sometimes it is not and we sit in a pumpkin patch all night waiting for something that isn't going to happen, but I'd rather live in hope than doubt.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiSIQzwIPzQ